I figured it out: Men are Yankees, women are Southern Belles

I finally got around to reading the book, "Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus," by Dr. John Gray. Another appropriate title would be "Men are Yankees, Women are Southern Belles."

Consider the paradigm of the ante bellum south and the sweet feminine sensitive southern belles who lived there. Now consider the hard driven insensitive, masculine, testosterone pumped up Yankee soldiers who invaded and turned their world upside down. Neither understood the other and never did.

Gray's book is enlightening and interesting. Many things that I have observed about men and women throughout the 13 lustrums I have lived are explained and verified. His insights would help every male and female relationship. Maybe.

Gray failed to address some attitudes and situations that men possess that cause stress for women. It isn't likely that men are going to change any time soon. I feel a heavy weight of responsibility pressing down on my shoulders like bankruptcy on Donald Trump, to provide additional counsel for women: "The sooner you understand these things and make the proper adjustments you will have greater success in understanding and getting along with the men in your life.

"Sometimes we are not thinking about you. We love you and care for you but it is impossible to think about you all the time. Live with it."

Men are problem-solvers. We throw every resource into a problem and attack issues and concerns and get it done. If that is what you want say so. Come to us only if you have a problem and want help in solving it. Sympathy is what your mother and your girlfriends provide. They will listen and commiserate but in the end the problem will still be there. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself and leave us out of the picture. Whew. I feel better.

In most cases if you think you are fat you probably are. Don't ask us because we can't win: yes and you are mad, no and you are in disbelief and mad. We will not answer it any more. The dress does not make you look fat, it is your big butt that makes you look fat. Oops!

If we are going somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. Don't ask us which skirt looks better with this blouse. We have a 50-50 chance of getting it right. We don't know. Remember with men it is one color, one belt, one wallet one pair of shoes all the time. Let's get going. You look fine.

Here is a news bulletin, a news flash with film at 11. We are not interested in taking any quiz on the compatibility of couples or the strength of a marriage no matter what magazine it appears in. Don't ask us to take the test. We will fail miserably and prove to be complete doodles. You knew that anyway. Why restate the obvious.

By now readers should have realized that this column was written with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek, my fingers crossed and a "come on you surely don't take me seriously" look in my eyes. BW approved this column.

Larry Vandeventer grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School. He lives in Plainfield and can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, IN 46168. He has written five books.