Winter Weather Advisory
Friday, Dec. 13, 2013
When it comes to the weather, most Hoosiers are resilientPosted Wednesday, March 11, 2009, at 10:05 PM
The last week of January the Metro Indy area received nearly a foot of snow. Then on Feb. 3 five more inches of flaky precipitation fluttered down and joined in the fun. Brownie, our neighbor, has a huge sticky steroid bloated evergreen shrub in his yard that is larger than the pentagon.
On Feb. 26 that performance enhanced evergreen still had a snow mustache on the north side when the landscape had been free of snow for at least two weeks. I think that is remarkable considering the several quite warm days we had in that interregnum coupled with rain.
Who said, "Everybody talks about the weather but can't do anything about it." Obviously he did not know any snow birds. The weather is a constant topic in conversations around Hoosierdom but Hoosiers are resilient. They withstand floods, tornadoes, heat and humidity and of course blizzards, sleet, frozen rain and hail. It is God's way of making us strong. People in Wisconsin, Minnesota and Barrow, Alaska must be stronger than Hulk Hogan.
Hoosiers react differently to cold temperatures than people in other cities and states. And this column will serve to prove my point.
When the temperature is 65 above zero, people in Hawaii turn on the heat but Hoosiers are still mowing their yards.
When the temperature is 60, people in Arizona open homeless shelters but Hoosiers are still sunbathing.
When the temperature is 50, The Polar Bear Club at South Beach, Fla., takes their last plunge while Hoosiers are still driving with the windows open and the top down.
When the temperature is 40 Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and wool hats while Hoosiers throw on a flannel shirt, maybe.
When the temperature is 30 New York City snow plow drivers go on strike demanding more money while Hoosiers are still wearing sandals.
When the temperature is 20 people in Miami go south for the winter while Hoosiers close the windows.
When the temperature is zero Texans burn the Alamo to get warm while Hoosiers wear their winter coats and put on socks and shoes while picking their last tomatoes.
When the temperature is 10 below zero the Panama Canal is one huge ice cube tray and Hoosier cows give mint flavored malts.
When the temperature is 20 below zero the Indiana Legislature runs out of hot air and closes for the month but Hoosiers enjoy the first allergy free day of the year.
When the temperature is 30 below zero Frosty the Snowman leases a condo in Florida and Hoosier football fans with bare chests wear T-shirts while hunting mushrooms.
When the temperature is 40 below zero, water freezes in the Worthington standpipe and Hoosiers say, "Don't forget to bring in the brass monkey."
When the temperature is 50 below zero Lake Monroe freezes over and is used for the Dilly Bar 600 race won by Frosty Flanks in the Ice Box Edsel while other Hoosiers say, "Think it will freeze tonight?"
When the temperature is 60 below zero Puff the Magic Dragon's fire goes out and Hoosiers wear gloves when they hang out the laundry.
When the temperature is 70 below zero Mount Etna lava becomes a glacier and Hoosiers close fishing camps.
When the temperature is 80 below zero hell freezes over and Bob Knight is rehired to coach the Hoosiers.
Larry Vandeventer grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School. He lives in Plainfield and can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at Larry Vandeventer 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168.
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