A year or so ago those in charge of such things chose "Indiana: Restart Your Engines" as our new state motto to entice people to vacation here and to move here.
You and I are contributing millions of dollars to expand and maintain the convention center downtown Indy yet we can't use it when we want to. Pondering the new slogan caused me to think about living in other states. So being abstemious and punctilious I made a list of the pros and cons to help you make the decision also.
We have vacationed in Arizona and I would like to live there except that it is so hot. They have four seasons: Tolerable hot, hotter, really hot and the radiator blew up on my thermometer hot. People drape their steering wheels with towels so they won't burn their hands when driving. "But it is a dry heat," they say. I don't care, 113 is hot. I'll pass.
We have vacationed in California and it looks enticing except that if you earn over a quarter of a million dollars you still can't afford to buy a house in some places. You really make good time on your commute while backing out of your own driveway. But then it slows down. People drive their rented luxury cars to their own block party. You have to know how to eat an artichoke to live there. And then there are those "shaky times." I'll pass.
We lived in the Deep South for several years. You can rent a movie, gas your car, buy groceries, get a hunting license and bait and eat lunch all in the same store. During a trial a witness was heard to say, "He needed killin' " and that was accepted as bona fide testimony. Nearly everyone has two first names: Jimmy Bob, Billy Bob, Joe Bob, Billie Jo, Bobby Jo and Betty Jo or Bubba. I developed the habit of saying "Y'all" for one person and "all y'all" for a group. I'll pass.
We've been to Colorado, one of my high school classmates lives in Eaton, and it looks enticing. However, the altitude would bother me and in the winter time my prodigious nose would manufacture tons of hardened mucous (boogers is not very delicate.) You have to be aware that a pass does not involve football or dating. If the top of your head is bald it is considered ultra-sophisticated to wear a ponytail. I can do that. I'll pass.
We have vacationed in Florida many times and we have many snowbird friends who go there. You have to be able to eat dinner at 3:15 and you have to like early birds because that is all they serve. Every purchase involves a coupon. You have to listen to endless dermatology and proctology stories. You must grow accustomed to seeing cars driven by headless people with the turn light on all the time. They also have four seasons: Tolerable, hot and sticky, really hot and sticky and hurricane. I'll pass.
Then there is Indiana. The nearest celebrity you ever met was Dick Wolfsie at the garden show in the cattle barn. Farm implements cause traffic jams in small towns. It is not unusual to use the heat, air-conditioning and practice tornado drills all on the same day. BW and I are natives and we'll probably just stay here in Hoosier Land if I can just get my engine restarted.