Let somebody do it

BW says that sometimes she fears that some teeth are missing from my mental comb. She says, "You find humor in the most unusual places." She is partially correct. Sometimes I feel like I am the only warped board in the pile. In response to her assessment this column is a potpourri of ideas that are humorous, thought provoking and some are just plain stupid.

This first one is hilarious. It is an actual advertisement for a body shaper. All-In-One Slimming Bodysuit X-LARGE (Note: this is important to remember.) Now you can look slimmer and trimmer with this All-in-One Slimming Bodysuit. Target all of your problem areas with this one easy-to-wear lightweight garment. (Remember it is X-Large)

The all-in-one slimming bodysuit will lift and support the bottom, define your inner and outer thighs, sculpt the waist and flatten your tummy. It's virtually invisible under clothes. This body shaper will instantly make you appear a dress size down and give you a smoother natural figure: Keeps hips under control to produce sleek contours, Wide leg band for comfort fit to prevent bulges, Adjustable straps to improve bust uplift, Suit Size Dress Size Bust Waist Hips

Important Note: (Remember my note above) Sizes tend to run small, we suggest going a size larger than your actual size.

This item came flowing through the Internet and is attributed to George Carlin. That may or may not be true. It has many cogent and salient points, however. The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems more medicine but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

There is an ongoing battle in education on how to teach reading: Phonics vs. whole language. Here is a phonics lesson. I say one must use the best of both worlds.

If "gh" can stand for [P] as in hiccough

If "ough" can stand for [O] as in dough

If "phth" can stand for [T] as in Phthisis

If "eigh" can stand for [A] as in neighbor

If "tte" can stand for [T] as in gazette

If "eau" can stand for [O] as in plateau

Then the right way to spell potato should be Gh ough phth eigh tte eau or Ghoughphtheightteeau.

Isn't it funny that phonics is not spelled fonics? Or fonix?

Have a Great Day.

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School. He lives in Plainfield and can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at Larry Vandeventer 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.