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Friday, Aug. 26, 2016

There's no business like...

Posted Tuesday, May 11, 2010, at 1:48 PM

I was watching a rerun of Home Improvement on the telly the other night. Wilson, the avuncular neighbor, was talking to Tim as he filled a box with snow that he was going to ship to a friend.

Wilson observed, "There's no business like snow business" and that evoked a bout of jocundity for me. I shared these with BW and at times she actually laughed out loud; embarrassed me while we were eating at the China Buffet in Avon. Others she screwed up her face like a mule eating green briars and said, "I don't get it and if you have to explain it won't work." I replied, "Oh, yeah!"

A person driving a large truck that pulls cars out of the ditch hums, "There's no business like tow business."

A chiropodist -- foot doctor --would sing, "There's no business like toe business."

An artisan making wooden shingles with hand tools whistles, "There's no business like froe business." See the pattern developing?

The national anthem and No. 1 best selling song among lightning bugs is "... glow business."

Our daughter stored her possession in one of those U-Store places as she sang, "... stow business."

Many Hoosiers have a vegetable garden others have flower gardens and of course there are many farmers who share a song, "... grow business."

The company song for Bazooka Bubble Gum is "... blow business."

Those in the grow business also must maintain their crops and they often use hand implements. As they cheerfully work they often sing, "... hoe business."

And we dare not forget that jolly old elf who makes his annual visit during December. As he flies about in his sleigh urging his reindeer onward he has been heard to sing, "... Ho Ho Ho business."

Bakers hum, "... dough business."

Aficionados of the Three Stooges sing, "... Moe business."

In the summer Olympics athletes propel sculls across the lake with oars as they sing, "... row business."

A person who just won the limbo contest on a cruise ship sings, "... low business."

There are several dating services and match maker business ads on TV and I just know they like that old song, "... beau business." (I am just getting started.)

People who like to read the poetry of Edgar Allen, a native of Baltimore, use the theme song, "... Poe business."

PETA is out of control so people are fearful of wearing real fur. Retailers who sell fake fur use the song in their ads, "... faux business."

Those who process, transport and serve fish eggs sing, "... roe business."

BW is a great seamstress and this describes her and those in the garment industry. "... sew business."

Come on, admit it. Some of these tickled your funny bone.

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School. He lives in Plainfield and can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at Larry Vandeventer 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.

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