Appeal: (Help! I am being held captive in a tiny cell in the Sunrise Drive jail on bread and water. The warden (BW) is forcing me to write a follow-up column on the subject of who is smarter men or women.)
As I said previously it is an age-old question about who is smarter, women or men. For the sake of the argument let's suppose that men are smarter than women. I didn't say they are or are not I said just suppose they are.
If men are smarter why do they fool themselves into thinking that people do not notice their bald heads if they themselves do not. Like Cleopatra and Marc Anthony they are riding a barge along the river of "denial." Why do men comb their hair from just above their collar in the back to the front ala Donald Trump and pretend that no one notices that they are bald? Or why do they comb their hair from just below the ear on the left side to the right side? Admit it Audley, you are bald. The problem is perception. When chrome domes look at their heads they see hair but others see skin. I know all about this subject.
If men are smarter than women why do they take off their shirts when mowing the yard or washing the car? Yessiree, there is nothing more attractive than an albino colored man with spaghetti arms, a beer belly and a flabby flapping chest with jiggling man boobs riding a mower around the yard. They would also forget the muscle shirts if they graduated from high school or should have before 2005. A word to the wise for geezers, you do not look "hip" wearing sandals with black knee length socks with a double knit checked shirt and plaid shorts. That is extreme eye pollution.
If men are smarter than women, why do they go topless to football games when the weather is colder than a penguin's foot in Antarctica, paint letters on their skin and cavort like a seal with gas after eating a tube of bad bologna? Why do they paint their faces some hideous color and wear a cheese wedge or Viking horns while screeching like the brakes on a 1957 Ford pickup that has been used for hauling cow manure since 1965. Why do they high five with everyone in the stands as if they made the touchdown?
If men are smarter than women why do they wear their caps backwards? I recently saw a picture of a middle-aged man at a baseball game using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun while wearing his hat backwards. Come on Elmo, only boys under the age of 12 look cute with their hats on backward. If you are older than that you just look pathetic.
If men are smarter than women, I'm not saying they are, why won't they stop and ask directions when it is obvious that they are lost? Plus, why don't they read the directions on how to install the garage door opener? A large percentage of men think they can intuitively assemble the swing set or install an atomic reactor at the new Duke Power Plant without reading the instructions.
So I ask you, who is smarter men or women?
Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.