Periodically we get catalogs or stacks of flyers in the mail. Sometimes we purchase things from them. Correction: BW does. Some are filled with so much fluff that if thrown into the air they would not come down. They have everything that people do not need but sometimes want. Such is a catalog we received this week that included such items as:
I did not see this coming but they offer an "Eye drop guide -- lets you easily self-administer with no waste. Place it over your eyeball, insert the eye drop dispenser into the end and squirt. No redo's, no blinking, no mess." It looks like a cap from a laundry soap bottle with the top end cut out. I have a better idea. Go to the Dollar Store and buy a set of mustard and catsup bottle squirters and have at it. The catalog had those with plastic gargoyle tops out that dispense the condiments through the gargoyle nose. Come on. The thought of gargoyle snot on my burger does not make my taste buds boogie.
"Cushioned tweezers -- lets you tweeze without finger fatigue." Oh yes, the dreaded finger fatigue syndrome is the curse and bane of tweezer users worldwide. These tweezers have wide thumb and finger grips of soft, cushioned rubber with perfectly aligned slant tips in stainless steel. I know. When I am about halfway through tweezing my monobrow, my fingers just stop tweezing; seize up; become paralyzed. Then I call 911 and have the EMTs deliver me to "Fred's 24-hour Medical Clinic, Nail Salon and Tire Shop" for therapy and a Cortisone shot. Betty White will host a telethon this summer to raise awareness. I have seen some women who probably use a weed eater in the privacy of their homes.
The catalog also offers a "Shoe stretcher that widens the toe area to eliminate pinching. To relieve painful tightness dampen the leather insert the spreaders and let dry." Here is a novel idea -- why don't you buy shoes that fit? You would be surprised what comfy shoes can be purchased at Goodwill. Most of them are already broken in. On Wednesdays seniors can take and extra 30% off all purchases.
There is an age old question: Why do hotdogs come 10 to a package and buns only eight to a package? Don't manufacturers realize that this causes waste? Hotdogs mold waiting for a warm comfy bun to live in. Comes now the "Hot dog keeper -- fresh, airtight storage for unused dogs." It looks similar to the plastic shrink cover that the dogs come in. We put them in sandwich bags and chuck them in the meat drawer in the Westinghouse. This seems like another silly gadget that takes up drawer space. Most people, and I mean you, can't open or close some drawers in your kitchen because they are filled with all of those useful unused gadgets. Tell me if I am writing too fast for you -- use plastic wrap, foil or sandwich bags. They are cheaper and disposable or recyclable. Over the years we have had thousands of food keeping devices made by Saran Wrap and Kaiser Aluminum. Try it, you'll like it. More on this scintillating topic next week.