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Does anyone care about the NBA playoffs?Posted Friday, June 3, 2011, at 1:36 PM
I guess you heard that recently the Hubble Telescope was repaired. Again. It has required more maintenance than a Yugo hatchback. This time it cost about $62 Babillion and that was by the lowest bidder. However, it now can look deeper into the immensity of space than ever. The only thing deeper than space is Kim Novak's eyes. See her in "Vertigo" and "Bell Book and Candle".
Regular satellite cameras can capture surprisingly clear pictures of people on the earth. I recommend that you better exercise discretion when you go flouncing around your back yard in your BVDs or with no BVDs because you might make a spectacular appearance on someone's you tube. That would truly be a twitter. Imagine if NASA would turn Hubble toward the earth. An ant would look like a rhinoceros and a tick crawling up a twig would become "Tickzilla" climbing the Soldier's and Sailor's Monument while swatting at F-16 fighter planes. One good thing though they would probably find BW's car keys and her cell phone.
One thing the Hubble has no chance to find my interest in the NBA playoffs because it does not exist. I have no interest. None. Nada. Zilch. The big bagel. Zero. Zip. The goose egg. Nil. Nothing. Naught. Not any. Not a bit. Not an iota. Not a hint. Ponce De Leon had a better chance of finding the fountain of youth. Juan Pizzaro had a better chance of finding Cebola, the seven cities of gold, in the American Southwest. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a better chance of being a marriage counselor with Dr. Phil.
It isn't because the Pacers are not playing, it is because the NBA quit playing basketball many years ago and started wrestling matches, shoving contests, boxing matches and showing travelogues. If Reggie Miller and Michael Jordan had been called for traveling they would not have scored 2,000 points between them. Forwards and centers shove, hit, wrestle, grab and thump on each other. Sometimes I think I am watching a gang fight. All teams play the same way. They have two players who make more than the rest of the team combined and they have egos larger than outside. If they don't get to shoot at least 600 times per game they pout and say the management does not respect them.
Plus, how does anyone maintain any interest after an 82 game season and then the finals that stretch on longer than mortgage payments? Five of Elizabeth Taylor's marriages did not last as long as the NBA playoffs. I have an alternate plan for the playoffs. Every team plays. The first series the winner must win by 10 and must win four of seven games. In the second round the winner must win by 15 and must win five of nine games, double elimination. But in the next round the winner must win by 20 and six of 11 games, double elimination. Then for the championship the winner must win by 25 and win eight of 15 games, triple elimination. And the following day the next season begins.
Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, IN 46168. He has written five books.
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