This just in, a new poll to tell women what to wear. It seems that the British are not finished with trying to tell we colonists how to conduct our lives. I thought we settled that at Yorktown with the surrender of General Cornwallis.
If he had been a member of King Arthur's round table he would have been named Sir Render. Evidently a poll was taken with 2,000 British women and they concluded that when a woman reaches the crusty age of 35 she should no longer wear a miniskirt. I disagree with that arbitrary standard. I know many women older than 35 who look mighty fine in a miniskirt and I feel that no matter how old a woman is she should wear a miniskirt if she wishes although some should be worn over sweat pants or under an antebellum dress.
In the interest of good health, science and the self image of women of America I will help any woman make that decision. I will be fair.
I am amazed that the poll revealed that those 2,000 women stated that at age 51 no woman should ever wear stiletto heels or pony tails. I addressed this issue in a recent column on "Who is smarter, women or men?" I concluded that if women were smarter why do they wear high heel shoes? Truth be told at that age they could fall off those heels and break a hip. That would not be very hip to do so.
The poll also stated that at age 51 women shouldn't wear a pony tail? Why can't a woman at that age and dimension wear her hair in the fashion mentioned and rename it a horsy tail? Pony tail connotes a young girl, however, horsy tails could connote an old nag. You know the old gray mare ain't what she used to be. That is well documented. Whoops!
Right now I feel like the buckle on the Bumpkin Belt. An icy wind did through this room blow. BW is reading over my shoulder as I write.
The poll also said that at the age of 47 women should no longer wear a bikini bathing suit. I might agree with that dictum as long as no man should be permitted to wear a Speedo suit or go to the beach if the hair on his body undulates in the breeze like a field of Kansas wheat and he looks like Big Foot. And if a man looks like he is 10 months pregnant he should never be issued a permit to go anywhere near the beach or pool.
Those smug as a hanging judge Brits also state that at age 61 no woman should ever wear a swim suit of any kind. I guess we will have to wade and see if Americans agree.
I addressed these issues in my latest book titled, "As I Lay Drying" and concluded that people should always dress in a suitable manner.
Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.