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Edward Scissorhands is a mean man

Posted Monday, July 25, 2011, at 12:32 PM

Sometimes the world just reaches up and slaps me in the face and says, "How do you like them apples, Hillbilly?" When I say, "I don't like it." It retorts, "If you don't like it, lump it. Take it or leave it because it ain't going to get any better." Consequently my face looks like I lost a face slapping contest with Edward Scissorhands.

My bank policies make me mad. No, I allow myself to become angry. Ben Franklin said, "There is nothing more certain than death and taxes." I have a codicil to that, Ben, "Banks will make money." For the last several recessionary years our bank has been paying the munificent sum of .000012 percent interest on our checking account. They were paying .000011 on our savings account before we rolled into an investment. I don't want to get in trouble with my banker, Silas Marner, so I won't say the name but it rhymes with base. They take my money and loan it out for six to 20 percent. Next week they are changing their name to Fat Cat Bank.

The Indy Star chose to cease printing the TV schedule and I hate them for that. Tother day I was surfing through the channels and found women's professional beach volleyball. When the league began they selected bikini swimwear as their uniform. They said this with a straight face, "So our players can play in any weather rain or shine." Well the suits the women were wearing in the game I happened onto looked like a strip of bacon around their hips and two small eye patches on strings around their tops. Those women are so thin they don't have much to hide in the chest area if you know what I mean. Truth is they wear those suits to get men to watch the matches. Why else would they watch? Why don't they just go nekkid. They already expose Paris, France, Italy, Austria and most of Switzerland and their "Dairy Airs."

Every day up to 10 people are killed in the metro area most by guns. Don't trot out that old plow horse carrying the bromide that guns don't kill people, people kill people. That is true but it is a deadly combination like alcohol and driving a car. What drives people to kill someone? The lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life.

The President and Congress are quibbling about the national debt ceiling, taxes and cuts in government spending. They just don't get it. I cannot operate as the federal government does. Spending like a drunken sailor on liberty and borrowing money to cover that profligate spending. They are both to blame and won't do anything about it. They are paralyzed with fear that they might lose the election and those cushy jobs with benefits that are out of this world. They live on an isolated island named D.C. with no hope of rescue -- isolated from reality and the people they serve. I must get some Neosporin for my face.

Larry grew up North of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.

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Larry Vandeventer
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