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Monday, Aug. 29, 2016

What would you send to the moon?

Posted Tuesday, June 5, 2012, at 1:28 PM

This past week history was made. Actually it is made every week but this event was quite unusual. NASA entered into a new phase of space flight by joining forces with a private company to launch The SpaceX Dragon unmanned space shot.

Other companies are now planning to provide space flights for passengers and other stuff. I have a list of things I believe should be sent into space and never returned. I know many people who would be willing to help pay the postage.

Let's begin with poison ivy. I have heard this song all my life. The first verse states, "Everything has a purpose; a reason for being." The second verse says, "Everything happens for a reason." I am not sure about that. I have never been able to justify poison ivy and for that matter poison oak. Why does it exist? What reason can be stated for its existence?

BW and I spent several days recently doing the usual spring yard maintenance and my reward was poison ivy. It itched more than money in the pocket of a sailor on leave; drove me crazy. Calamine Lotion does no good. Camel spit would be more effective.

OK let's discuss skunks. The only one I ever liked is Flower who lives in the imagination of Walt Disney. Skunks have no predators. Who or what would ever eat one? What do they do except emit odiferous emanations that remind me of every sports locker room I was ever in. I don't understand the hue and cry about women reporters wanting to go into locker rooms with male athletes. The odors in there would drive a vulture off a gut wagon. They are as appealing as a black banana as are skunks.

Audrey, our oldest granddaughter, just graduated from fifth grade. She claims to be the world's most powerful mosquito magnet. She could be in the middle of the Sahara Desert with no living creature within hundreds of miles and a mosquito would appear out of nowhere like a huge bird of prey. It would be carrying a bottle of Evian water and would proceed to chew several holes in her arms and legs. Arriving at Timbuktu she would look like a sack full of door knobs and scratching like a dog with fleas. Some will say they are in the food chain for bats and birds. I am willing to develop other food items for them. How about skunks?

Here is a shot to the solar plexus of American TV watchers. I believe all of the reality shows and any show with the title "Housewives" in it and all the programs on VHS and BET should be sent as the next payload. I know that attitude is as annoying as a hair in your mouth to some readers. I am sorry. I find no reason for those programs to exist. I watched one for a while and my IQ plummeted 50 points so I had to turn to another channel while I still had the mental capacity to do so. Pow, to the moon, Alice.

Larry grew up North of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656. He has published six books.

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Larry Vandeventer
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