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Tuesday, Aug. 23, 2016

Is there anything good about poison ivy, chiggers?

Posted Wednesday, August 15, 2012, at 3:29 PM

There are many aspects of life that I do not understand. There are many people who say "Everything is here for a purpose and everything that happens has a purpose." I am not prepared to argue that point but if it is true when the grand scheme was planned and then carried out I must have been taking a break.

I can't think of a purpose for poison ivy. The other day BW and I were doing some yard work cleaning, snipping, cutting and thinning. There is some ground cover on the west side of our house that had crept up to the house and started to cling to and get under the siding. BW used the weed eater and cleared most of it away. Then I came in as a good infantryman does and finished the job. I paid the price for several days with bumps and itching on my hands. It grew on me like a colony of E.Coli and I was room temperature Canadian beef. I can't think of one purpose for poison ivy.

What is the deal with hair? I have hair where I don't need it and none where I do need it. Many years ago I began to lose my hair. I went to a barber and asked, "Do you have something that will stop falling hair?" He said, "The floor." Wiseacre. Nobody likes a wise guy. But he was right. The hair bailed out of my head and began to grow on my torso. Why? Then the hair in my nose began to grow longer. I never had to trim my nose hairs before but I began to look like a walrus with big tusk hair extruding from my nose. Then the ears joined in. Now I have to trim the hair in my ears or I begin to look like a werewolf. What is the purpose? One day I pressed down on my mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea. I am going to let my nose and ear hair grow and then tie it in a bow across the top of my head to give the impression that I have more hair there.

My young body has grown old and much of my muscle has turned to fat and my wonderfully chiseled high boned face has become bruised with the bitter blows of time and I still can't think of a purpose in the grand scheme of things for chiggers. People who live their lives on concrete, asphalt, carpet, tile and hardwood floors have no clue to what I am talking about.

One time many years ago we picked blackberries on the farm. By the time we got back to the house BW was jumping, scratching and caterwauling because of an invasion of chiggers. She was making moves that break dancers only dream about. She crashed through the door, ripped her clothes off and screaming like a band saw cutting aluminum siding she hit the shower. Too late. She was No. 1 in the program for the Chigger Digger Team for several days. Misery came to live with her. What is the purpose of those critters?

Don't get me started on boils, pimples, measles, cataracts, hurricanes, Political Conventions and high heels.

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. He has a new website at Larryvandeventer.com .

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