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Friday, Dec. 19, 2014

Some things people say just don't make any sense

Posted Wednesday, October 3, 2012, at 1:32 PM

Today I am going to discuss some issues that have been bouncing around in my head like a basketball at midnight madness practice at IU.

Some colleges and universities use peculiar names for their athletic teams. The Florida Gators; the Florida State Noles; the Miami 'Canes; and the South Dakota 'Yotes. Why don't the Hoosiers call themselves the 'Zures and the Boilermakers the 'Akers. The Indiana State Sycamores could be the 'Smores.

There are two things I will not eat for breakfast; lunch and dinner. I know a guy who is so fat that his shirt doesn't hug his body it is a death grip. He went out West and Sasquatch took a picture of him. Alright it was me.

Why do people wear sweat socks with loafers?

One of the most trite, hackneyed phrases in American Intelligentsia is, "Take it to the next level." If I hear that phrase again I will take a hostage. My ears bleed every time I hear it. My brain goes on toxic overload. My tongue wants to erupt and scream, "Oh shut up. Is your vocabulary so limited that all you can do is mimic what everyone else is saying?"

What is wrong with this level? I like this level. Don't you? Who decided there is something wrong with this level? Maybe the next level is full. I finally got comfortable at this level. It is warm; clean; safe; normal. Going to the next level requires more energy. More drive. Planning. Leaving home. Effort. Thinking. Leave me alone.

People in a romantic relationship talk about taking it to the next level. What does that mean? Marriage? Shacking up? Children?

Athletic coaches and the sputum spewing talking heads of sports all over TV say that this team must improve drastically if it wants to go to the next level. Where? Up in the bleachers? That is a higher level.

Business owners and leaders talk about moving to the next level of their enterprise. Does that mean more sales? More production? More profit? Making more and different products? I don't know.

Churches also use this hackneyed phrase. The leaders and ministers want to take the congregation to the next level which means: Larger congregation? A more impressive building to advertise our prosperity? A larger contribution?

The technology revolution is always taking us to the next level. I am so weary of their energetic assaults on my bank account. Never buy something in the technology field that is on sale. That means the company will not be supporting that device and it will no longer be manufactured or serviced. Beware.

Apple just released or did it escape, the I-Pad 5. Now I believe that thing does everything: Phone, TV, movies, computer, GPS, takes your pulse and regulates your heart with proper dosages of Dr. Lot of Bucks Heart Palliative.

The next level is like the horizon. You never get there. Where is the next level? I don't know except it is where I am not.

Vandeventer grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. -- four times. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168.



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