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Audley, Elzy ponder women's fashions

Posted Monday, October 29, 2012, at 2:35 PM

Women can wear clothing styled like men's clothing but men dare not wear clothing styled like women's clothing. And I agree with that reality.

Female fashion has adopted items once the domain of males: Dress shirts, trench coats, baseball caps, vests, T-shirts, sweat shirts, sweat suits, tank tops, shoulder pads, tennis shoes, long pants that used to be called slacks and the list goes on.

I saw an ad enticing women to buy an item of clothing called boy shorts. Interesting? I have never seen an ad for men to wear girl shorts. Imagine this. Elzy: "OK Audley, how do you like my girl shorts? They zip in the back and have lace around the hems and flowers on the pockets. I just love them."

Audley: "They sure make your butt look smaller and I like the pink color. It just makes your ensemble."

Won't happen.

Some years ago inspired by Greta Garbo and others in Hollywood, women began wearing men's ties. I have never seen men wearing scarves, lace hankies or boas around their necks. Well there was that one time we were in Hollywood that I saw things I had never seen before. Garbo also influenced women to begin wearing men's styled suits and sports jackets. They are in all the catalogs and stores now. Elzy: "Audley, where did you get that lacy feminine jacket with no collar or lapel with the one large button in the front? I must have one." Audley: "Well, thank you Elzy, I got it at the Men's Fashion Barn in Mallgolia last week. Maude says it brings out the color in my eyes."

It is not unusual to see women, especially those in the entertainment industry, wearing tuxedos styled for men. Monkey suits used to be the domain of men. Not anymore. There is one thing I have never seldom seen and that is a man wearing a strapless ball gown or formal evening wear designed for women. At least not around here. Elzy: "Audley, the next time you wear an evening gown like that, I recommend that you shave your arms and your armpits. You look like Klinger. I know that you will chafe the next day while working in the factory but you will look nicer. I do like the way it swooshes when you walk. And your heels coordinate perfectly."

Women wear underwear designed like the boxers that men wear. You will never see men buying and wearing silk or nylon panties designed for women. Well some might but I often wonder if they have a chromosome deficiency. Elzy: "I couldn't help but notice when you bent over there to nail that roofing Audley, that you are wearing those new silk panties I saw advertised in the Penney's flyer. If you kept the side panels buttoned on you overalls I couldn't see them. How do you like them?" Audley: "They are sure comfortable. They don't bind when I am active and they let my carpenter overalls slide up and down without bunching up. That is important on a hot day like this." Ewwww.

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University -- four times. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168.

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