Let's see the hands up of those who have ever lived on a farm or near a farm that has a hog operation. Let's see, one, two, three. Not many. When I was a kid most farms had pigs. No so any more.
If you have lived near pigs or you have walked through the swine barn at the state fair or other fairs you have experienced what I call the Olefactorious Assaileth Excessiveth Materialist Swimnous Excretous. [KJV] I'm talking about smelling hog extrusions, fecal and urinal material or feces and bladder discharges. Let's get to the point. We are talking about hog manure. It is foul. It is "repignant" to the noses of townies and urbanites. The only person who appreciates it is the hog farmer. It smells like money to him.
Some people say that pigs are very intelligent. They maintain that pigs are smarter than horses and dogs. I don't have a degree in Pigology or a master's degree in Swineiculture but I think that those who claim pigs are so intelligent must have a BS in Hogiatry. You can guess what the BS stands for. Hint: The "B" stands for boar.
Pigs are just plain dumb. I'm not talking about Porky the Pig, Arnold Ziffle or Wilbur from Charlotte's Web. Try to teach a pig to sing and you will waste your time and only make the pig mad. A horse can be trained to come when called, to pull a wagon or other implements. They will let you ride on them learn commands such as "Get up," Whoa," "Gee," "Haw," and "Get off my foot." I don't have to chronicle all of the things a dog can do such as lead the sightless, smell drugs and diseases on people, star in the circus and use their noses to catch bad guys.
Why this discussion of pigs. I just learned that miniature pigs are now considered excellent household pets. Pigs? Jennifer and Cassie told me that and that Jennifer's sister was planning to get a pet pig to live in the house with two dogs and her family. When others protested she replied, "They don't get very big, less than 30 pounds. And they are very intelligent and they are easily trained with a litter box.
Pigs are easy to train? Bet me. They are "Pignatious." Humans are many times more intelligent than pigs and they are not easy to train. Just wait until "Hammy Davis, Jr." deposits a pile on your carpet and sprinkles it like a garden hose. You will think you are living next to the pig farm again. Just wait to see the "Baconater's" toe prints on your tile. I want to be there when 30-pound "J.D. Hogg" and the two doggies go at it in the kitchen over food ownership. "Hammy Swinnette" will sing you songs you don't want to hear.
Do I sound negative on the idea of having pigs as pets in the house? Good. My work is done.
Larry grew up North of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University -- four times. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.