(This column is a collaboration with my proofreader extraordinaire, BW.)
It all began so innocently. We decided to paint the living room. I picked out two shades of green that I liked and my husband agreed so we spent a few days and leisurely got it finished.
Leisurely is not a good word because lurking on the list was "redo the dining room." It was OK but like his shoes, it had not been changed in many years.
A discussion determined that we really liked the two greens used in the living room and we had paint left, so why not use it. Problem: Removing the border wasn't easy. I thought I used pre-pasted paper but it felt like super glue. We rented two jack hammers, a back hoe and ice remover from the airport and it still took two days to remove it. We had to do it because the wall would have had a panty line. In a 2-0 vote we decided to leave the wallpaper in place and paint over it.
Our supply of light green ran out too soon. I pushed the red Cavalier like James Bond on a quick run into Sprawl Mart for another gallon. Problem one: The clerk said they were out of the proper base to mix my paint. I offered the alternative of two quarts for the same price. She agreed.
She looked up the formula on the computer and mixed the first quart. It was darker than the inside of a cow. She didn't even consider dividing the formula on my old gallon by four. Flunked math in school, probably. A call to the Avon store revealed they were out of the proper base too. She called Brownsburg and bingo, they had it My trek began. As I motored down the street like Jeff Gordon, I thought I was so close to JoAnn's I would run in there and get six yards of pleater tape for the drapes and save me another trip. Arrgggh! They only had four yards. Just not my day.
Plainfield Sprawl Mart Lady didn't understand why the formula in the computer didn't work so she advised me to tell the Brownsburg people to use the formula on the can lid. I did she didn't. She looked at the computer and used the wrong base -- too green. She sputtered and muttered grabbed another gallon of accent base, mixed it. Too light. This is beginning to sound like the "Three Bears." "I don't understand why it doesn't match, she wailed." (I used to work in a paint store and I showed her that she hadn't added enough of each colorant.) So she grabbed another gallon of accent base and used the formula on the old can lid. Bingo. Perfect match. I chewed my tongue off to keep from saying, "That's what I told you to do you doofas." Three hours after leaving home, I arrived with my second gallon of paint to finish the job. There was also a problem with fabric but that will have to wait for another time.
Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University -- four times. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656.