There is no cure for 'Gadgetosis'

I am truly amazed at how many gadgets BW has. You know what a gadget is? It is that thing that is sold in Nashville, Indiana, and every gift shop and through every gift catalog in America that you do not need but want. It is the gadget that usually does one thing and at times does not do that very well. I present Exhibit "A," the electric or battery-powered, self-propelled Garden of Eden apple corer with titanium blade, self-cleaning sharpazoid peeling remover and computer designed stem twisting extirpating notch in the blade of Swedish steel produced and tempered at the Sorghum Squezzin' Mill and Iron and Skunk Works located at Shingle Machine Hill, Indiana. Exhibit "B" -- a paring knife. The paring knife can be used for paring fruit, core removal, quartering, slicing, scraping, threatening your husband who is reaching for a piece of the cake that you baked for the PTA Christmas Bazaar, cutting string, tightening screws, removing a hangnail, cleaning your fingernails, removing the stinger of a bee, removing the outer leaves a head of cabbage, slicing pepperoni for pizza and the list goes on to the horizon.

Remember a couple of years ago when chamois were advertised on every TV channel as a must have. Two or three men enthusiastically gushed over how great they were. "These will not be offered in stores," they warned. Liar. We were in Florida and found them at the world's largest flea market. They are so strong a Bedouin dropped one in the Nile River above Cairo and water stopped flowing for three days. A sales clerk dropped one in the water off the navy pier in Chicago and the water level of Lake Michigan dropped two feet. BW bought some and mostly they rest in the cabinet in the laundry room while we use paper towel, dish clothes and sponges to mop up water.

Do you have a bread slicer that looks like a holder for a rat tail file? We do. It also reminds me of a short hacksaw. It has a long blade with wicked looking teeth that looks like it could saw sequoias into boards. So BW bakes homemade bread, not often enough, and then lets it cool and cuts it into slices with a long narrow knife with a serrated edge while the bread slicer sits in the drawer collecting unemployment benefits.

Several years ago the "Gotcha Once Going To Get You Again Company" advertised a device to dry foods for long term storage. It is see-through plastic device that reminds me of a cake cover about 12 inches in diameter with three layers of shelves inside with strategically place holes in the shell. Now you can dry mushrooms, fruit, produce sun-dried tomatoes and make your own feta cheese. We have one and BW used it for a time but it has been sleeping longer in the cabinet than Rip Van Winkle. It has a beard that would make Rip weep with envy. It seems we could at least dry sneakers in the thing.

I am insisting that BW join Gadgets Anonymous.

Go to my website Larryvandeventer.com. Larry Vandeventer grew up North of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State U. -- four times. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.