The best spring cleaning ever
The weather today is cold, rainy and raw. That is spring; vicissitudinous. The winds of too many springs have blownthrough my long underwear.
Yesterday it was warm and glorious. Gentle zephyrs blew and it was gloriously balmy; enchanting. I threw caution to the wind and propelled myself with reckless abandon because "Out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. And what to my wandering eyes did appear,"(Clement Moore) it was spring rattling my windows give a cheer. Glorious Spring was kicking Old Man Winter in the "Dairy Air" with an ultimatum to get out and stay out.
I pushed the windows open on the west end of the house; curtains billowed out into the room flapping like Old Glory in awondrous wind. I ran like a roach in the kitchen when the lights are turned on to the east end and opened windows and quickly stood to one side and watched the balsamic breeze blow winter out of the house.
A white haboob (sand storm) came pouring out of the east windows.
It looked worse than any of those sandstorms that engulf Phoenix. The haboobs of Africa pale in comparison to that all engulfing and consuming maelstrom. Neighbors ran screaming into their houses to escape the disease-ridden health menacing foul winds of fear descending upon them. All of that dry skin masquerading as dust on furniture came roaring down the hall and blasted out of the window.
Television stations in Indy called in their weather alert teams.
Sirens blew in surrounding towns alerting citizens to a violent spring storm alert. The stations began a 24-hour program tracking the haboob and alerting citizen to the possible health problems. They feverishly showed radar pictures of the menacing monster already on the doorstep. With serious faces they warned of the germs and disease particulate matter embedded within the malevolent cloud and warning the old and the young to stay inside.
Old sad-eyed cold germs flooded by. Never used flu viruses came float ingominously past still looking for a host. Some of the largest boogers I have ever seen came rumbling along bouncing, lolling and denting the screens before being forced through like playdoh, reeling
through yards and fields seeking a nasal passage. All of the stale air caused by coughing,blowing noses, sneezing, frying salmon patties, dirty laundry, scratching dandruff and boiling cabbage came through like a belch from a large animal. It hung in the air for a second before being launched toward Ohio. Lookout Dayton, here it comes.
Stale, soggy, foul, fetid, foggy, fuming,filthy air was replaced by fresh, crisp, juicy, garden-fresh, clean, clear,breezy, refreshing, salubrious, pleasant, unpolluted air that came directly from tropical frangipani flowers; the best spring cleaning ever. It seemed like this annual cleansing rite was the most wondrous in many years because of the horrendous winter we had. I slept like two logs that night
Larry grew up north of Calvertville and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State four times. Contact him at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.
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