Her five dollar coupon cost $900

As we are all aware when your knee hurts, as BW is experiencing, it is not good to aggravate it by cooking or cleaning or laundry, or running the Sprawl-Mart-A-Thon.

Yesterday, we experienced the dining pleasure at one of Plainfield's finest culinary bistros.There is a new Brazilan concept of dining that is being introduced to the metro area.It is called Fogo De Chao and the chef brings a huge piece of beef on a spit to your table and you select how much you want and to what level of cooking.Elegant.Nothing is too good for my sweet lotus petal.We did not eat there.Okay, we went through the senior buffet at KFC.Sure, you only dine at ten star places where the elite meet and greet.

At approximately 6:05 I herded the Buick into the parking lot at Sprawl Mart. BW had already mandated we had to be home by 7:00 to watch the COLTS.The sun was shining brightly, visibility was unlimited, the temperature was in the high 80s.

I put the transmission in snail gear as we circled the lot like sharks searching for lunch. With Captain Ahab eyes intensely searching for Moby Dick, every spot became a possibility."There's one over there.It looks as if it is leaving."Varoom.Snail again."Wrong.They are getting out not getting in.""Rats.""Follow that old woman in the scooter pushing a cart and pulling two like a train.""Yahoo!Never mind her, there is one near the door.That young woman just put her cart back and ran to the pickup.Go.Go."Varoom we roared like Jeff Gordon at Talladega or Ashley Force at Clermont on Labor Day Weekend

We closed in on the spot as a lion stalking an antelope for lunch.We stopped a careful distance away, skulking, ready for the kill."She is not leaving," I moaned."Look at thesize of that pickup.It is huge.Is she large enough to handle such a vehicle?"

Suddenly that behemoth truck came out of that parking space as it if was being launched off thedeck of the aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan.I rammed the car into reverse and blew the horn like the Titanic trying to avoid an iceberg. Same results. It kept coming like a railroad train, ramming our front.For 11 years I have driven that car and there was not a scratch, dent or scrape on it;metal crunched and scraped, plastic snapped like a picnic knife and glass broke like crystal goblets dropped on the sidewalk.

Finally, it moved forward disgorging our car as a bite of rotten tomato.The driver who looked like Rachel on Friends ran to BW's side with profuse apologies.I'm never going to drive that truck again.

Truck damage "0.""Car $900+."We exchanged information.She called 911 and reported to the city police.We waited until 7:00 and no law enforcement officer came.We left. COLTS lost. Again.

Why was she in such a hurry?She was going to meet her husband at Aldi's about two blocks away because they wanted to use a $5.00 coupon.

My website Larryvandeventer.com -- Read about my books, buy them, and my columns.Larry Vandeventer grew up North of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State U. -- four times.He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.