For some reason it seems that the wind blows the wrong way most of the time. Is it just me or do you feel the same way? If I want the wind to blow south it blows north. If I want the wind to stop blowing, it continues to blow. If I want the wind to blow, it will not.
OK, I am going to cut to the chase. One of my most vexing problems with the wind is my hair. I am appalled when I am outside in the wind and observe people with too much hair who are seemingly oblivious to the effect of the wind. Their hair flies and flips and whips around and they seem to pay no attention.
Another thing that galls me is when people drive with their sunroof open or with the top down and their hair flows like a wheat field in the wind. Women with very long, blond hair especially seem to enjoy driving with the sunroof open with their flaxen locks streaming out of the top. Such arrogance. A greater display of supercilious haughtiness has not been seen.
OK, it is time for honesty. Actually my problem is jealousy. I am in such denial it is pathetic. I probably should go to meetings that require members to stand and say, "Hi, my name is Larry and I am losing my hair; I am going bald; I have thinning hair; I am bald. My favorite hairstyle is the laughable comb over. Actually, that is the only style I can have any more. A former student of mine, a young lady, was cutting my hair many years ago. I was laughing about my hair and said that I combed it over to cover the thinning parts. She said, "You are only fooling yourself." Now that hurt. It was the truth but totally uncalled for.
The real problem is that when you are using the comb over, no matter where you stand or where you have to walk, the wind always blows the wrong way. The result is that your comb over is destroyed and the hair, which is 16 or more inches long to complete the comb over effect, now stands straight up and you look like a punk rocker. Or, it falls down the other side of your head giving you a mane like a lion or a horse. That isn't the worse part. The worst part is that now your head shines like a mirror the size of Rhode Island. Pilots confuse your head for an airport beacon and circle you until the traffic controller finds them and directs the aircraft to a safe landing. How embarrassing!
Bald is not beautiful. Despite what some athletes and entertainers may think or how they display their chromed domes. The only people who think bald is beautiful are those who have too much hair.
Now you understand what I mean when I say the wind always blows the wrong way.
My website Larryvandeventer.com - Read about me, my books, and my columns. Larry Vandeventer grew up North of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State U. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.