I hate irritating television advertisements. It is extremely rare that any of them convince me to purchase the item being touted. Some stations display as many or more minutes of advertising than programming. I thought cable was introduced as an alternative to ads. Am I wrong about that? Sometimes when the program returns after a hurricane of ads I often forget what I am watching. My blood pressure rises several points during the telethon of ads. So I read as I watch.
Times out during sporting events are interminable. Athletes on TV broadcasts seldom tire as they sit and stand around. Coaches exhaust their instructions so they sit there playing rock, scissors and paper and tic-tac-toe on the erase board. During the NCAA it is abysmal. Times out are at least five minutes long. ESPN and the other noxious networks cram in more and more and more and more ads.
This caused me to think of the stereotypical, cliché ads on the tube. When a television ad is for pizza, it is mandatory that a person remove a slice with the melted cheese stretching like tendrils from a jellyfish. The quesaulupa ads are just as mindless and banal.
Then there are the conventional beer ads. Foam must run over and down the side of the glass. Soft drink ads are often similar. The glass of "coke" has bubbles of gas moving upward, the fizz hovering above the glass while nubile youths drink and cavort on the beach in skimpy swim attire.
All tourist enticing travel ads are alike. There is always water involved in lakes, water parks, swimming pools, rivers and the penultimate beach scene. Then there is the cliché scene where two or three well-dressed women, with smiles bigger than outside, high heels, hair just right, bracelets dangling on their arms with three large shopping bags draped over each arm. They shop and never drop.
Colleges and universities entice students with scenes of an orchestra, ballet dancer, chemistry lab, robotics labs, sports teams, pastoral scenes with students walking across campus and classes meeting under a tree on the lawn. Students are always engrossed and fully engaged. Then the cap and gown scene.
Now let's talk about pickup trucks, jeeps, ATVs and other such male oriented vehicles. Men dressed in camouflage or work clothes or fishing gear and hunting gear ram these vehicles through streams of water, slog through mud bogs slinging mud and water into the next county and go storming through huge snow drifts flinging snow all the way to Arizona. Then they soar over hills and become airborne. Then they load the pickup with ten tons of concrete and steel and pull a 100 car freight train through the Rocky Mountains getting 60 MPG. This is always followed by the disclaimer "Stunts are performed by professional drivers on a closed course. Do not attempt this at home." Too many males still in the stupid years of life will attempt to emulate these situations often with tragic results.
Bombinate defines TV ads. I watch too much television.
Larry Vandeventer. Go to my website -- Larryvandeventer.com -- and purchase my books. I grew up North of Calvertville and Graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State. Contact me at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656