To those still learning, there are major differences between men and women. I share the following to support my premise.
Names - If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
Eating out - Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom are eating at a restaurant. When the bill arrives each will throw in $20 even though the total bill is only $71. When the women get the bill, out comes the pocket calculators.
Bathrooms - A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Arguments - A woman has the last word in any argument. There are three standard methods to argue with a woman; none of them work. Anything a man says after that...is the beginning of a new argument.
Dressing up - A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals each under great duress.
Dressing to attend an event -- A man dresses himself for 24 years before he marries. He is socially accepted and most people consider him to be capable of doing so. He seems to exhibit a degree of social consciousness that causes him to fit in with most if not all situations. When he gets married, and just as the couple is preparing to leave the house, the wife scrutinizes his apparel and asks, "You aren't going to wear that are you?" The astute husband will reply, "No, no, my darling little dumpling, I am only wearing this until I see what you are wearing and then find something to match and coordinate with your clothes."
A cook out - A man cooks meat on the grill for a meal on the patio. As the guests are eating one of them asks, "Where did you get this meat?" The man will answer, "Last week Kroger had a sale and I bought it and froze it until today." A woman cooks meat on the grill for a meal on the patio. As the guests are eating one of them asks, "Where did you get this meat?" The woman will answer, "Why? What is wrong with it?"
Finger foods -- At a social outing and grab and go function, a woman will nibble on a single Ritz Cracker slathered with a modicum of peanut butter, cream cheese and jelly making at least three bites while daintily holding a napkin under her chin to catch the inevitable crumbs that cascade as a gentle snow shower. A man will take half a dozen of said crackers and slug down three of them in a single bite. The woman will ask, "Did you inhale those? That would take me at least 20 bites. A man will mutter, but not out loud, "Why bother?" as he reaches for six more.
Larry Vandeventer. Go to my website -- Larryvandeventer.com -- and purchase my books. I grew up North of Calvertville and Graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State. Contact me at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.