Television programming is mostly trite and boring. It always has been. The Golden Age of TV is a myth. I am chagrined to admit that recently I was so bored I watched the World's Strongest Man Competition. Exhausting. They did inspire me to follow their training.
The strongest man contestants are huge. They do not have necks, and their heads sit on their shoulders that are wider than Wyoming. They average six-feet five-inches tall and weigh between 300 and 425 pounds. Their arms are larger than my legs with basketball sized biceps. Their legs are larger than my body. Their chests are larger than Rhode Island. They perform feats of physicality beyond the imagination of most normal people. I have to ask, "Why? Don't we have machines to do those things now?"
One of the events is flipping huge tractor or earth mover tires for about two miles. They are huge and weigh as much as Mike and Molly together. I want to get in better shape so I began flipping a tire; a bicycle tire without the rim or spokes. Before you laugh it is a mountain bike tire.
After that they carry huge weights from the center line of a football field to the end zone. Last week I carried Twinkies to the grocery cart, then went back for Ho Hos.
Another event is the flailing of huge ropes. We called them hawsers in the navy. They are ginormous and used to dock aircraft carriers. The rope is anchored in the middle then they hold the ends and flail them by waving their arms up and down making the rope ripple. I want to work up to that size so I use an old sneaker. I unlace the string except the last holes near the toe. Then I flail the string up and down using my massive arms and shoulders to make it ripple. It isn't as easy as you make it sound.
Then they pick up huge round balls, carry them 200 meters and place them on a ledge above their heads; continuously. I have been practicing by carrying meatballs from the kitchen island to the stove and then after they are cooked placing them head high into my mouth. You have to start somewhere.
I have also been inspired by runners lately. Old people. A 100 year old woman ran the 100 meter race in her age category. And won. It took her 59.8 seconds.
I was so inspired by her success that on Monday I ran the sweeper. On Tuesday I ran the dishwasher. Undaunted on Wednesday I ran the washer and dryer. Thursday I ran the dust mop then the string mop to clean the kitchen floor and the hardwood floors. Then on Friday I ran the riding lawnmower. Saturday I ran amuck. There is only one cure. We drove to McAllister's Deli where I ate an orange cranberry club sandwich with about a half bushel of potato chips and drank a diet coke. Well, we must cut back somewhere. I am in training.
Larry Vandeventer. Go to my website -- Larryvandeventer.com -- and purchase my books. I grew up North of Calvertville and Graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State. Contact me at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.