A Nordstrom bag of opossum

Sally has a quirky mission in life. At least I think it is quirky, she may not agree with my assessment. Sally stores a supply of plastic bags in her car and when she sees a dead animal along the road she stops, places the animal in a bag and then disposes of it in a respectful and thoughtful manner. I don’t know if that includes services with a licensed funeral director and minister or a veterinarian. I wonder if she extends her service to deer? Or if in Florida would she stop for an alligator? Or a puma on the Interstate in Montana?

One day as she motored along the highway she noticed a dead opossum. In a thoughtful manner she stopped to retrieve it and realized that her usual supply of bags for that purpose had been exhausted. A search under the seat produced an empty bag from Nordstrom so she placed the opossum in that bag and placed it in the trunk of the car.

Sally then met Karen at a restaurant for lunch. It was a very hot and humid day. She pondered and decided that she did not want that opossum to stay in the car to putrefy and become malodorous (stink) so she removed it from the trunk and placed it on the trunk lid.

The two friends entered the restaurant and from where they sat they could see the car and the Nordstrom bag. Very soon a woman (A) passed the car, looked both ways and then grabbed the bag thinking it had some pricey items in it. Sally and Karen had a rousing chuckle.

Oh Oh! The bag grabber (A) joined another woman (B) and, who would have thought, they came into the same restaurant. (A) and (B) were obviously good friends as they engaged in warm conversation. Woman (B) excused herself to go to “Ft. Necessity.” That gave bag grabber (A) an opportunity to look in the bag and assess her present from Nordstrom. She opened the bag, looked in and was greeted by the gruesome face of the dead opossum grinning at her, its tongue lolling out, teeth shining, eyes with a deadly stare and beginning to emit odoriferous emanations – stink. Woman (A) shrieked, threw her hands in the air, reeled backward slamming her head into the back of the booth and knocked herself unconscious. She also suffered a gash on the back of her head that began to bleed furiously. Woman (B) just returning, rushed to her aid and screamed for the manager to call 911. The EMTs arrived quickly and the unconscious woman was taken to the nearby emergency room.

Woman (B) surveyed the scene as they were leaving, saw the bag remembered (A) had it and that it must have valuable items in it, grabbed it and carefully carried it along as they rode to the ER. Imagine the surprise of the victim when she recovered.

As tragic as the situation was and the suffering the lady endured, Sally and Karen could not stop laughing. Admit it. You are chuckling right now.

Larry Vandeventer – I am a Calvertville Native. Reach me at 317-839-7656 or at Goosecrick@aol.com. Read about me, my books, and my columns on my Two Websites – Larryvandeventer.com and Rambler1956.com. I am a graduate of Worthington High School and Indiana State University.