My World by Larry Vandeventer en-us I see tinfoil and that is a good thing A.J., who reads my column in the Linton Daily Citizen, recommended that I read an article on the Internet titled “10 things I will never eat and why.” It was written by a food expert who in my opinion has assumed the title. The author named several foods and places where he shall never eat. Buffets. There are times when I teeter on the brink of agreeing with him. He says there is an unacceptable level of uncleanliness involved in buffet eating such as how the food is prepared... Mon, 17 Oct 2016 10:08:07 -0400 English is a crazy language It is said by many that the English language is very difficult to learn because of multiple meanings, nuances and slang. Example: The buck private paid a buck to watch a buck buck a cowboy off trying to buck public opinion by passing the buck and hiding his buck teeth. As he was riding in the hack he considered how easy it would be to hack through the jungle while trying to hack up something he had eaten as he mentally prepared the hack to improve the computer program he was developing to hack... Thu, 15 Sep 2016 09:39:29 -0400 The year is 1904 Return with me now to the thrilling days of yesteryear. If you remember that opening line to a very popular radio show of yesteryear you also know who Dan Reed was and to whom he was related. The year is 1904. Life was different then and in many ways it was far superior to life today. In many ways it was far inferior to life today. Let's look at life as it was then and I'll let you determine if you would prefer to live then or now. If you were 24 years old you were middle aged since the... Mon, 22 Aug 2016 08:27:50 -0400 Don't ask, don't tell Sarah, who reads my column in the Martinsville Reporter-Times, alerted me to an article on the Internet that was titled, "Ten things you should not say to a person who is overweight." Is this a subtle hint to watch my language when I speak to those who are euphemistically described as hefty, robust, chubby, husky, big boned, curvy, full figured, a walking cheese ball, taller lying down than standing up, urban sumo, buffet king, gravitationally challenged, plus size, and my favorite was on the... Mon, 18 Jul 2016 14:56:31 -0400 The saga of Ann and public restrooms continues In an earlier column I revealed how Ann was mortified at discovering a man in the woman's restroom at the theater but she was in the wrong one. Ann and her husband took two of their young grandsons out to eat. During a trip to Ft. Necessity, she became trapped in a stall. Plan A: She jiggled the locking mechanism, pushed on it, banged on it, tried to turn the knob; ditto. She threw her massive, muscular body (wink) at the door. Only her clavicle moved. Plan B: The door did not go all the... Tue, 05 Jul 2016 12:30:36 -0400 Ann's face was as red as a South Florida sunset How do I describe Ann? She is polite, pleasant, funny, serious when the situation demands it; proper and conservative. Traditional. A Christian, her life is lived out within the structure of the "Word." That does not insulate her from unusual events and situations that creep into life like a heavy fog in New England. Ann is now retired from a very responsible position. The event she revealed to the group occurred while she was still working. The revelation was triggered by a conversation... Tue, 05 Jul 2016 12:29:13 -0400 Forty seems about right Many years ago the phrase "life begins at 40" was in vogue; a vain attempt to paddle down the river of Denial with Cleopatra and Mark Anthony. Now I hear such phrases as "60 is the new 50", 80 is the new 70 and other such numbers in vain attempts to deny one is old. Admit it, 40 is middle age. Americans believe middle age doesn't start until 55 and then extends through 92. So if you are 55 and still claim to be middle age you must expect to live to 110. Forty is the only number in English... Mon, 23 May 2016 11:19:40 -0400 I am in training Television programming is mostly trite and boring. It always has been. The Golden Age of TV is a myth. I am chagrined to admit that recently I was so bored I watched the World's Strongest Man Competition. Exhausting. They did inspire me to follow their training. The strongest man contestants are huge. They do not have necks, and their heads sit on their shoulders that are wider than Wyoming. They average six-feet five-inches tall and weigh between 300 and 425 pounds. Their arms are larger... Mon, 16 May 2016 14:45:40 -0400 Who do you trust? One summer BW and I drove to Washington, D.C. I grow weary just remembering all the places we visited. Then we motored homeward through Gatlinburg. There is no place more rakish, more garish, spawning more visual pollution that seems to be the plight of every popular tourist site in America. We went into one of those stores that has everything that you don't need and several things that you want. They were selling university street signs all from the South. "Why," I asked with the politeness... Thu, 05 May 2016 19:08:26 -0400 Differences between men and women To those still learning, there are major differences between men and women. I share the following to support my premise. Names - If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. Eating out - Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom are eating at a restaurant. When the bill arrives each will throw in $20 even... Mon, 11 Apr 2016 12:14:00 -0400 Bombinate defines TV ads I hate irritating television advertisements. It is extremely rare that any of them convince me to purchase the item being touted. Some stations display as many or more minutes of advertising than programming. I thought cable was introduced as an alternative to ads. Am I wrong about that? Sometimes when the program returns after a hurricane of ads I often forget what I am watching. My blood pressure rises several points during the telethon of ads. So I read as I watch. Times out during sporting... Wed, 06 Apr 2016 11:03:56 -0400 Daniel loved to run Daniel was a runner. He loved to run. Starting at an early age he showed his capability to race and beat his contemporaries. He became an icon similar to Michael Jordan and Nike today, Jeff Gordon for Pepsi and Dupont, Christie Brinkley for Total Gym and cosmetics, Danica Patrick for Go Daddy, Serena Williams for Nike and Dennis Haysbert for Allstate Insurance. It can be safely argued that Daniel showed the way for these notables of today. He endorsed cigars when they were not as vilified as... Mon, 29 Feb 2016 11:10:23 -0500 How much can I earn by not raising hogs? Mr. (Tom) Vilsack (Secretary of the United States Department of Agriculture): I know that you are the secretary of Agriculture and are influential in agricultural committees and programs. My friend, Elzy Cadge over at Calvertville, Indiana, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the 'not raising hogs' business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of... Mon, 08 Feb 2016 23:43:22 -0500 The dirty rat let them down What would you do if you were confronted with a rat? I don't mean a friendly looking animal that Disney would draw such as the lovable mouse in the movie Stuart Little. I am talking about a mean, ugly, dirty, menacing rat! Mike and Cindy were flying by the seat of their pants, taking a leisurely off-season vacation through the Smokey Mountains. Saturday morning arrived in pink streaks as the mountains could no longer hold back the sun. After breakfast Mike tried to start the car. The engine... Mon, 01 Feb 2016 16:12:11 -0500 Grandmother and granddaughter without technology Recently we were sitting in a crowded restaurant having lunch with some friends engaged in normal conversation. I glanced about the restaurant and saw two people sitting at a table designed just for two. It might as well have been on a desert island or on a mountain top. The two persons sitting there were oblivious to their surroundings. Their eyes were locked in like an old Zenith AM radio when you find the correct station. The two conversants were a grandmother and her granddaughter.... Mon, 18 Jan 2016 09:51:14 -0500 Things you should never say at work I read the following article on the Internet that lists things you should never say at work if you wish to have a positive environment. "Who are you voting for?" The writer thinks that political issues are divisive and hinder collaborative efforts. Some may feel bullied. Is everything bullying now? "I'm soooooo tired." That doesn't help anyone. We are all tired. "I have to tell you something about the boss, but don't tell anyone, OK?" Now there is a minefield you should avoid. The person... Mon, 04 Jan 2016 17:04:30 -0500 We do everything with our hands -- Almost About two days into her life of a broken arm, trying to adjust to the pain and suffering and not being able to use her right arm -- she is a righty -- BW moaned, "It is amazing what you can't do with just one hand, one arm." So, I became her right hand man and much of her left hand man also. A long time ago we promised each to love in sickness or health. We still mean it. That caused me to ponder about our wonderful hands and how they serve us. How do people function without them? I was... Mon, 28 Dec 2015 10:43:54 -0500 The wind always blows the wrong way For some reason it seems that the wind blows the wrong way most of the time. Is it just me or do you feel the same way? If I want the wind to blow south it blows north. If I want the wind to stop blowing, it continues to blow. If I want the wind to blow, it will not. OK, I am going to cut to the chase. One of my most vexing problems with the wind is my hair. I am appalled when I am outside in the wind and observe people with too much hair who are seemingly oblivious to the effect of the wind.... Mon, 14 Dec 2015 09:48:14 -0500 I just can't explain it There are some aspects of life that cannot be explained. At least I cannot explain them. There are no words, no rationale or reasons that justify or account for why something exists or just happened or has happened or continues to happen. All logic is disregarded. It makes me ask, "What is happening? What is this world coming to? Did you see that? What was that? What is that?" I cannot explain why the sports world is exerting Mt. Everest-like efforts and money to deal with concussions suffered... Mon, 30 Nov 2015 20:33:58 -0500 Thanksgiving on the sitcoms is disastrous I have seldom seen a Thanksgiving Dinner on a situation comedy or drama that went well. Most movies also follow the hackneyed, trite, clichés making the day and meal a catastrophe. Everything that can go wrong does. The people are inept, rude, crude, brash and everything but thankful. Only one person is sane; the woman at whose house the event is held. The turkey is never edible. The chef never begins in a timely fashion so it is raw or it is overcooked and black as a lump of coal and about as... Tue, 24 Nov 2015 10:36:51 -0500