Where is Barney when you need him?

There are some crazy laws still on the books in most states. I dare say that most are not enforced but they are there for comedic relief. I often wonder what was going on when these laws were enacted. They seem so crazy now, but back in the day people were really up in arms to get them passed.

In San Francisco all public vehicles including cable cars, trolleys, taxis, police cars and busses must be fitted with spittoons.

In Virginia if a pedestrian is struck by a car while walking on the sidewalk or at a crossing, the pedestrian is fined for impeding the progress of the automobile.

In Eureka, Nev., a man is required to remove his mustache before kissing a woman. I wonder how he puts it back on afterwards. Could it be a fake held on with rubber cement?

It is against the law in Atlanta to tie your pet giraffe to a telephone pole or a street lamp. I wonder how many people have pet giraffes in Atlanta?

If you slurp your soup in the Garden State of New Jersey you are subject to a fine. I wonder if that applies to the slurping sound made by a soda straw?

It is illegal to eat more than three sandwiches at a wake in Massachusetts.

In Oklahoma it is illegal to take a bite of another person's hamburger. Get your own. Eat more chicken.

The best way to beat a speeding ticket in Georgia is to be elected to the general assembly. Members cannot be ticketed for speeding when the assembly is in session. So get out there and kiss babies and shake germ infested hands at malls and factory gates.

It is illegal to sleep in the nude in Minnesota. Could it be the biter cold weather? Norwegian heritage? Sleep walking.

In New Orleans fire trucks must stop at every red traffic lights even on a run.

A bar can only sell beer in Nebraska if there is a kettle of soup bubbling on the stove. Probably to ameliorate the effect of alcohol on an empty stomach. I believe taverns must also sell food in Indiana.

If you take more than three sips of beer while standing and drinking in Waco, Texas, you are subject to arrest and a fine. They do not want people to stand around and drink.

For some strange reason in Idaho there is a law requiring that residents must give their sweet faces a minimum of 50 pounds of chocolate or nothing. What a law? I'll bet it isn't enforced. BW would love that.

It is against the law to take a bath in Clinton, Ind. We lived there for six years and the town became real rank. Really the law says people cannot bath in the river because it pollutes the water and for public decency.

I wonder how old these laws are and I further wonder how many are really enforced today. Many state laws remain on the books even though they are far outdated and forgotten. The person who found these laws must be out of work and needed something to do.

Where is Barney Fife When You Need Him?

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School. He lives in Plainfield and can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at Larry Vandeventer 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.