IDK when it comes to texting ... LOL

I do not text. E-mails are my genre. However, there are millions of people who twitter and tweet messages.

Some people are obsessive/compulsive about texting waiting for responses and texting again and checking for responses ad nauseam. The message is limited to about 140 characters so a myriad of abbreviations have been developed to conserve space.

Not to be outdone by the young folk and to show they are "with it," many Geezers, Curmudgeons and AARP Grenadiers are becoming technologically literate and they too have swooned under the spell of technology and have begun texting.

Since I do not text my contribution is lexicon of terms.

ABJ -- achy breaky joints

ADA -- another doctor appointment

AOTC -- asleep on the couch

AWCU -- always wear clean underwear or carry a pair with you

BAW -- bald as a watermelon

BFF -- best friend farted

BP -- blood pressure

BPP -- bladder protection pad

CCC -- chocolate chip cookies

CFMG -- can't find my glasses

CHY -- can't hear you

DFTD -- don't forget the Depends

DQL - Dairy Queen later

EAP -- easy as pie

EMF -- eat more fiber

FHR -- fingernails have ridges

FSNT -- fix soup no teeth

GENTS -- guys engaged in nothing too strenuous

HBP -- high blood pressure

HE -- hairy ears

HYSMC -- have you seen my cellphone

HYSMG -- have you seen my glasses

HYSMK -- have you seen my keys

IDGI -- I don't get it

ImmMFTFDR -- I'm fixing my favorite thing for dinner -- reservations

IGG -- I've got gas

ITOITACY -- I'll think of it tomorrow and call you

IMM -- in my mind

INAP -- I need a prunectomy

LDEB -- let's do the early bird dinner

LMAKK -- let's meet at Krispy Kreme

LOL -- little old ladies

MDDF -- my dentures don't fit

MHAQ -- my hearing aid quit

MKIKM -- my back is killing me

MRAS -- my reflexes are shot

NEBBC -- never eat beans before church

NT -- nap time

NTAF -- never trust a fart

OMKH -- ouch my knees hurt

OR -- organ recital -- discussion of operations and ailments

PHYG -- prunes help you go

PSS -- pretty much same-o same-o

SAP -- say again please

SMS -- stained my shorts

TAJ -- teeth in a jar

TB -- tired blood; tired bones; tired body

TCBR -- that can't be right

TITD -- tomorrow is trash day

TLCR -- type larger can't read

TTTEH -- time to trim ear hair

TTTU -- turn the TV up

TWIH -- this wig is hot

TWIT -- This way is trouble

TWITA -- that's what I am talking about

TYP -- take your pills

WEO -- we're eating out

WLD -- when lying down

WOOT -- watch out old timer

YAO -- you're another one

Texting seniors are welcomed to use any of my orthographic creations to communicate at no charge. Youngsters are required to send me 50 cents each time they use one.

Larry grew up North of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books. Contact him to purchase them.