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Saturday, Aug. 30, 2014
If you're not online, you're missing outPosted Thursday, March 5, 2009, at 12:22 PM
Like it or not, it's time to get online.
If you're one of those holdouts that thinks up every excuse in the book for not getting a computer and signing up for Internet access, a big part of the world may be passing you by.
Don't be thinking that the Internet is all for the younger generation, not for old folks. It's tailor-made for those who want to stay in closer touch with family, read about the old days and history, look at pictures, get medical and health information, shop for anything and everything under the sun, get craft patterns and decorating ideas, play games with friends, and yes, check on the latest news.
If you're online, you'll never again say you're bored -- there's always more to see and do.
One former publisher of The Worthington Times, Ralph Roach is online. I know because he sends me an e-mail once in awhile -- usually something uplifting to brighten my day. This week he sent me some "Creative Puns for Educated Minds" that's being passed around the web right now.
If you're not "wired" or "connected," I'll share ...
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
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