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Saturday, Sep. 20, 2014

A little humor can go a long way when you're having a bad week

Posted Friday, January 22, 2010, at 7:53 AM

Have you ever had one of those weeks that seem to be ruled by Murphy's Law -- if anything can go wrong, it will?

That's been happening in our newsroom lately. Several of us have had something or another going on that make one think, "What next?" But we keep going.

When those weeks happen, I try to remember to be thankful I live in Greene County, not Haiti, and that a little humor helps along the way.

So for this week's column, here's another one of those crazy e-mails I get from V.S. -- author unknown -- it made me laugh, maybe it'll make you laugh too.

Why Women Should Not Take Men Shopping

The story is, after this guy retired, his wife insisted he go with her on regular shopping trips to one certain store. He didn't want to, was bored and apparently was causing some trouble while she was browsing because she got this letter from the store.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. Aug. 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. Aug. 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Aug. 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which 20 children obliged.

8. Aug. 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.

9. Sept. 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. Sept. 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. Oct. 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Oct. 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. Oct. 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "Pick Me! Pick Me!"

14. Oct. 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "Oh No! It's those voices again!"

And last, but certainly not least:

15. Oct. 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks passed out.


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