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Thursday, Apr. 2, 2015

What an amazingly strange world it would be

Posted Friday, June 25, 2010, at 2:41 PM

The World Cup Soccer Tournament has given birth to many things, not the least of which are those annoying noise makers they call vuvuzuela.

But that's not what this column is about, even though I'd like to take those things from African Culture and stick them where they belong -- in the recesses of the insect world where they could probably drive every roach crazy and ultimately to suicide, much like anyone who has heard them longer than five minutes.

Getting back on track, perhaps we should incorporate some of the more interesting aspects of the World Cup into our daily and sports lives.

For example, wouldn't it be something to enter the confines of Roy Williams Field on a Friday night to find people dressed in all sorts of colorful garb wearing funny looking hats and standing shoulder-to-shoulder signing the praises of the Miners as they wave a newly-created Linton City flag.

And every once in a while someone peels off a blast or two on an airhorn (bet you thought I was going to say vuvuzuela didn't you).

All while a large and anonymous group of fans parade around the track before the kick-off flashing signs and hugging everyone in sight for 10 minutes at a time.

So much for the pregame ritual...

The first dilemma I have is trying to figure out how to incorporate yellow and red cards into our everyday life.

I guess one of the first things we could do is replace traffic tickets with yellow cards.

Every member of the local police department would be given a pack of yellow cards each morning. And of course each with a quota that calls for a minimum of six or seven cards be handed out daily.

I can see it now, you've just made a rolling stop at a four-way intersection and you look in the mirror and see a police officer approaching.

As he nears your car he holds a yellow card above his head until he approaches your window.

Then he takes out his little pencil and immediately writes your license number on the front of the card, as he stares at you angrily with a look that says "my yellow card is the ultimate punishment."

You immediately hang your head in disgust and put your hands on your hips defensively as you realize you only have one more to give before you are given a red card.

And you know what that means, don't you? You will be banished from the streets for your next commute and you must sit out the day's work.

While this goes on in the street, your family and friends gather on the sidewalk shouting in protest as they blow their vuvuzuelas. (I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist at least one reference to the annoying things).

Another part of the international flavor of soccer is the overacting involved when a player tries to draw a foul.

Now granted, we don't normally have fouls called that give possession back to the other team. But just go along with me here for a moment.

You are at the local department store and a big sale is going on. For example, a special on DVD players is so great that there's a limited supply.

In the mad dash from the front doors to the electronics aisle, you are sideswiped by someone else's shopping cart.

In your haste to draw the attention of the department manager who is overseeing the rationing of the DVD players, you suddenly throw your arms flailing into the air as you grimace in feigned agony.

You grab your knee and roll around on the floor moaning and writhing in pain hoping to force the department manager to penalize the driver of the other shopping cart.

When the department manager suddenly puts the last DVD player in your cart, points toward the check out line and issues a yellow card to the other shopper, you suddenly feel better and hurry away with your prize.

Meanwhile your family and friends begin chanting and dancing as you approach the register and they exchange high-fives as you pay the sales clerk.

Then when she hands you your change, you are immediately overcome with joy and begin running around the register with your arms in the air, pumping your fists as you realize you've just gotten your third bargain of the day and have pulled off the discount store hat trick.

And let's not forget the traditional ending where, after a very hard day's work, you and the guy at the next desk exchange ties in a token of sportsmanship as you both realize you've earned a well-deserved day off.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy soccer and all that comes with the World Cup (except the vuvuzuela), but it is nice to look at things in a different light.

Rick is a sports writer with the Greene County Daily World. He can be reached by E-mail at rcurl@gcdailyworld.com or by telephone at (812) 847-4487, ext. 20.

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