'The truth is not in many of them'

"They call it America, and they call it civilization, and they call it television, and they believe in it and salute it and sing songs to it and eat and sleep and die still believing in it, and - and - I don't know," Gram Parsons said, taking another drag." Then sometimes the Mets come along and win the World Series." - Bill Janowitz.

I was half-unconscious, sleepily collapsed on the couch and barely lucid, worn down with a long week catching up with me.

A few more minutes, and I'd have drifted off, holding the record for not being able to stay awake through an entire DVD one more day.

As it was, one eye remained half open, sleep lingering just outside my reach. That's the only reason I saw the pop and spark as the TV blacked out, erasing the picture of a pretty, freckled redhead in a bad B-movie. Noxious smoke began pouring from the rear.

I cursed, jumping up and unplugging the two-year-old set, then grabbing a fire extinguisher.

What followed was a fool's parade. I took a few steps carrying the TV, sat it down, aimed the extinguisher, watching for signs of fire - then repeated the process until the smoldering set was downstairs and safely outside in my truck's bed.

Shaken slightly, I stepped back inside, and in short order was Googling the make and model. I soon found out the sudden, epic failure of the set was widespread and the subject of a class action suit.

I called the company to see if they'd do anything to make it right.

Short of me paying $129 (or a third of what the TV cost new) for a part which a sizable number of customers report failing catastrophically, the company wasn't interested.

(And folks, I should note, I identified myself as an attorney. I can only imagine how badly they'd treat a consumer who only stood even odds of suing them.)

"Consumer service specialists" (and I use the term loosely) blamed hundreds of customers because somehow, we all managed to do something to make their badly constructed TV burst into flames - such as ... I don't know ... plug it in?

Never mind the fact the other TV set - the much older one I've owned since 1994 - keeps functioning fine.

They also tried their best to convince consumers all the smoke we smelled was harmless steam.

So I guess I'm joining up a class action suit, and Hades will field a fine Olympic ice hockey team with Beelzebub as lead goalie before I ever buy another of their products.

The problem is, it got me thinking. A lack of TV will do that. I had the chance to ponder how it's hard to rely on much these days, and how rare it is for anybody to take the blame.

For example? My truck's had two recalls on major problems - heating and cooling and gauge failures. Yet I once spent a good half-hour debating another "consumer service representative" whether what they did constituted a recall, even though they'd sent a letter where they called it one three times.

However, truth be told? I don't miss the TV much.

If I had it, I would've watched presidential candidate Newt Gingrich - he who shut the government down in a 1994 partisan dispute - define himself with a straight face as a uniter, not a divider.

This, I should remind you, is the same guy who famously faked accusing his political foes of willful misdeeds late nights on C-Span.

He'd taunt the absent congressman, then step back, as if he was waiting for a reply - then continue on smugly ... at least until the cameras were turned around by House Speaker Tip O'Neill.

Funny how soon we forget.

Likewise, Newt's old nemesis President Clinton was infamous for absolutely, positively not having an idea what the definition of is, is - especially when it comes to interns.

Lies aren't limited to either side.

I could switch the channel, try to find something light and entertaining, and there's Kim Kardashian - she of some fairly intense home movies and the 72-day marriage - talking about how she always wants "her fairy tale."

Sorry. I don't think so. And I've read enough to know how grim some of Grimm's Fairy Tales got.

And so it goes, with far too many corporations, politicians and would-be heroes. The truth is, the truth is not present in far too many of them.

Why they lie to us for their benefit is evident.

Why do we take it, when it's obvious, and when we deserve so much better?

That's what's incomprehensible.

Mark is a staff writer for the Greene County Daily World. He can be reached by email at stalcupmark@hotmail.com or by telephone at 847-4487.