The art of deception and exterior illumination

Since I have moved back to Linton I have held a pervasive fear with the approach of the holiday season: putting up the Christmas lights.

For many families across the nation, hanging Christmas lights is a tradition. In the United States alone, Americans spend a total of 6.5 million dollars annually on Christmas decorations.

One tradition my family held with the approach of the holiday season, is we would spend an evening driving around the county looking at the different displays constructed by area families. I enjoyed this tradition and I admired the workmanship of many families across the county who meticulously and creatively organized their displays.

But at home, my sister and I shared little enthusiasm for the task.

Every Saturday after recovering from our respective turkey comas, we would hear our father walking up from the basement, heaving boxes upon boxes of lights. We were scared to go downstairs. We knew, after our parents discovered we were awake, we would be delegated outdoors to the cold.

Conveniently every year we were ill. This approach was only valid for one year. It goes without saying that I became an expert at faking the symptoms of the stomach flu: fever, upset stomach, sore muscles, and cold shivers.

Over the years, my excuses grew in deception. My favorite deception was I would tell my parents I had to work, when I had the day off. This approach worked for two years until one Saturday my father called my employer. The voice mail I received after my father's discovery directly reflected his enthusiasm for my deception, except in an inverse way. As a punishment, I had to put up the lights alone while my parents enjoyed the comfort of a heated home. As a second punishment, I was grounded.

Now, one might conclude that after being found out and subsequently grounded for my attempt to deceive my parents I would stop and just put up the lights without complaint. Instead, I became determined.

The next year I walked with a limp, stating I had a bad skateboarding accident. This deception worked until they threatened to take me to hospital. As a response, my gait straightened and I walked outside, minus the limp, to help my father.

Finally, as a last ditch effort, I once told my father I needed to study, because I had a big test on Monday. My father, now skeptical of any claim, called my teacher and asked her about the test. There was no test. Once more I hung my head low as I walked outdoors with a fresh box of Christmas lights.

As the holiday season approaches, my father will soon be bringing up the boxes of Christmas lights from the basement. This year I do not have an elaborate deception. Despite my efforts in the past, this year I look forward to helping my father with the lights.

To quote a holiday favorite I would like to say this to my father, "Thanks dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination."