From the paws of Meep

You see how comfy I look? Could YOU disrupt such a peaceful, round kitty-cat? I think not.

Hello everyone, my name is Meep. I am a black domestic shorthair cat with a white blaze on my chest and I have been the companion of your editor, Patti Danner, for most of my 13 years of existence.

Just about every time she tries to use her laptop at home, I make it my job to sprawl across the warm keyboard whenever she leaves the room, looking innocently at her with my irresistible upside-down kitty face when she returns. This usually buys me another 10 or 15 minutes of warm keyboard time. I also like to walk across the keyboard, messing up whatever she is doing, roll across it because it’s funny, and hit several keys at once as I rub my face across the keyboard. Then I do the irresistible upside-down face again. Works every time.

Since I enjoy such an obsessive relationship with her keyboard, Patti offered to let me write my own column this week, and I eagerly accepted her offer. Finally, a chance to talk to her readers, a chance to express my kitty frustrations and to tell the world of the injustices inherent in the life of a cat. First of all, no opposable thumbs, which makes this harder than it should be, but I have so much spare time, it’s ridiculous, so I’ll hammer away as best I can.

Some say we cats live luxurious and lazy lives, sleeping most of the day away and having our meals catered, and those things are true. But there are plenty of struggles in the life of a cat, let me tell you.

Like every time she gets up from her cozy spot on the bed and I, seeing only a pre-warmed and comfortable area with my innocent cat senses, joyfully jump over to occupy the spot she has obviously created and warmed for me.

Imagine my chagrin when she returns, expecting me to vacate the spot! But I just got here, and it’s so warm!

I love to walk up onto her chest as she lays prone while watching TV, settling in with my butt in her face, purring loudly. What’s to protest about that? I’m perfectly comfortable but apparently I make a better door than a window, at least that’s what she tells me. Hogwash.

Sometimes I suspect she does not appreciate my oh-so-reliable skills as an alarm clock every morning, weekday or weekend, waking her with loud “Meows” right in her face as I walk from her midsection to her head, generally about ten or fifteen minutes before her phone alarm goes off. I, personally, think loud meows and cat breath are much more effective and enjoyable to wake up to, but she doesn’t seem to agree. Humans are so odd.

I know she thoroughly appreciates my racing skills, as I “hot-rod” from one end of the house to the other for no apparent reason. She gets a kick out of that, I am sure. Why else would she ask if I have ants in my pants or vipers in my diapers, and call me “Speed Racer” and other terms of endearment?

Another thing I know she likes is when I rub my hairy face all over her face, leaving behind tiny, impossible-to-see hairs, the kind that make her feel like she has things crawling on her face. I especially love to do that right after she applies Chapstick, because then her lips are so smooth and the tiny little hairs adhere so much better.

I like that she hasn’t tried to adopt any more cats, it’s just me inside the house. It’s a little bit lonely sometimes, I suppose, but as an only cat I enjoy the luxury of top-shelf cat food and first and only dibs on toys and treats, plus all of her attention and belly rubs and head-scritches.

There are about six or seven strays that live outside, but I tolerate their presence just fine. We can hear them moving around under the house sometimes, probably “hot-rodding” like I do. It’s warmer under there by the heat vents, and Patti has put heat lamps on the porch for the kitties who want to bask there or in the kitty-house coolers she’s installed. They don’t complain, they seem happy to get fed every day and Patti seems to love to care for them.

So, even though we have an ongoing issue with warm spots and keyboard ownership, we get along pretty well and meet each other’s needs impeccably.

Yeah, I think I’ll keep her.

Love, Meep.

Patti is Editor of the Greene County Daily World. She loves to laugh and also loves kitties. She’s kind of weird but has a heart of gold. If you would like to share a story or just make a friend, she can be reached at pattippdanner@gmail.com.