Pre-Retirement Training for Ol' Simmons

As you may have surmised, I have been playing a lot of golf lately. I had suspected that the increased time on the course might have resulted in some improvement in my game. Unfortunately, for some odd reason this has not been the case. Someone once told me that no matter how much you play, if you don't have any talent...oddly enough, you don't have any talent.

A friend of mine asked me this weekend just when it was that I decided to take up the new "belly" putter. These longer putters have become more common over the past few years and are designed to help steady the stroke through the ball. I had to inform my old friend that I had not taken up the new "belly" putter, as a matter of fact, I still use the same old Ping putter that I bought off of Keith Graves and it is a standard size putter. Evidently, the increased girth of my belly offered the appearance of someone using a "belly" putter. OK, I'm laughing out loud (shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly).

I love to be competitive and on some days I am, not often, but some days. On other days, I feel like...that...maybe I've chosen the wrong sport. As I have searched for something else to do that could light my competitive fire, it has become apparent that there is little left for me to do besides golf. Curling has always been an option, I guess, but I'm having trouble finding anyone to play with on a daily basis and it is really tough in the summer months. I've just recently thought that I could pursue a 55 and older Sumo Wrestling League or, heaven forbid, go on a diet. Do you think that senior Sumo wrestlers wear those large diaper-like shorts (mawashi)? Depends?

There has been a lot of discussion recently at The Phil about who has and who doesn't have a hole-in-one to their credit. Although I have had 4 aces over the years, I have tried to avoid this conversation as much as possible, since it could possibly be a sensitive subject to those who have failed to nail the elusive hole-in-one. Just this weekend, my old buddy Bill Collins and I were discussing the sensitive nature of this subject and how it could do irreversible damage to a golfer's psyche, if it were dwelled upon at length. Seriously, I'm not joshing you one bit.

I did a little research on this subject over the weekend and found that no sitting President has ever made a hole-in-one, but Richard Nixon supposedly made one in 1961 after he lost the election to JFK. Not sure I can believe anything about him. Also, Eisenhower evidently made one from 104 yards in 1968, long after he left office. I have a tendency to believe Ike, but he did choose Nixon as a running mate. My opinion on aces is this; it helps to play a lot and to be very lucky. One would think that a President would be too busy running the country to spend very much time on the golf course while he's in office.

We started our Elks league last week and as a first time player in this league, I can say that it was a very enjoyable evening. My partner, the legendary Jim Jeffers, and I, played against two young gentlemen whom neither of us had ever met and yet, we had a great match. With Jim's expert leadership and guidance, I'd wager to say that we should be quite a force to be reckoned with in the coming weeks. And if we aren't, we'll somehow enjoy ourselves anyway. Jim birdied the final hole last week, so I know he's pumped up for the remainder of the schedule.

I have been impressed with the work that has been done by all of the folks who have contributed to the changes on the 8th hole at The Phil. Besides being a much tougher challenge for all golfers, this is going to be a very nice looking golf hole. I think it only needs a couple of good sized gators and it would be perfect. What happened to the one at the Courthouse?

By the way, I'm looking forward to playing in the Phil Harris Scholarship Tourney next weekend after a hiatus of several years. Evidently, Bart has had trouble keeping up with my address changes over the past several years during my most recent nomadic era.

Over the long weekend, my old buddy Charles Erdly suffered the unfortunate happenstance to have been my partner for 4 straight days. I was amazed at how well he withstood this because most would consider such a sentence as cruel and unusual punishment. I learned a lot from Sir Charles during this timeframe and some of it was even about golf.

One of the terms of golf that I've always wondered about was "dormie". During the Ryder Cup and other match play events, I had always heard the term and even though I knew what it meant, I wondered where it came from. Well, I looked it up on the USGA webpage. "The term dormie is derived from the French/Latin cognate 'dormir,' meaning 'to sleep,' suggesting that a player who is 'dormie' can relax (literally, go to sleep) without fear of losing the match." I'm beginning to think that a lot of my golfing partners are somewhat dormie most of the time. But not you Charles, never could I accuse you of sleeping on the course.

As I gradually approach retirement age, I have been trying to get out on the course more often, just to determine if I could possibly stand playing so much golf. So far the answer is...yes.