"Well, I tend to think of the golf swing as a poem. "

Posted Thursday, April 2, 2009, at 3:57 AM

A nod to the gods.

"The critical opening phrase of this poem will always be the grip. Which the hands unite to form a single unit by the simple overlap of the little finger. Lowly and slowly the clubhead is led back. Pulled into position not by the hands, but by the body which turns away from the target, shifting weight to the right side without shifting balance. Tempo is everything; perfection unobtainable, as the body coils down at the top of the swing. Theres a slight hesitation. A little nod to the gods." - Tin Cup

Excuse me while I get a little poetic and slip on out of here on vacation. If I find the time next week I'll let you know how bad my sunburn's peeling.

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My game is more like this, as I once wrote;

"Ode to the Duffer"

The drive I hit is never long, nor is it ever straight,

my iron game is pretty poor, my putting not that great,

I like to play a dog leg right, because I always slice,

If the right side has an out of bounds, I'll be driving twice.

I bring extra clothes the rounds I bet, 'cause I always lose my shirt,

I've chunked the ball so many times, they make me pay for dirt,

I never mean to hit it fat, but my results are all the same,

The Pro shop serves a chili dip, and given it my name.

Whenever I am in the trees, my driver is to blame,

The chipmunks help me find my ball, the squirrels know my name,

Birdies sense I'm harmless, they know my swing will fan,

I'm in the woods so often, I can never get a tan.

My chipping game is horrible, my pitching game is worse,

In the sand on August fifth, and out the twenty-first,

I tried to play a lake hole once, its' water running low,

I hit so many in the drink, that now it overflows.

I've hit everything besides my ball, sand and rocks and dirt,

I think I've played a perfect round, if no one else gets hurt,

I plunked a guy the other day, the ball bounced off his side,

He said it didn't hurt too much, I later heard he died.

The golf pro asked my handicap, that he wouldn't tell a soul,

I told him I'm at twenty-two, with nineteen as my goal,

He said that score was not so bad, even if he told,

I don't think he understood, that's handicap per hole.

The golf pro checked my putting, my putts were all left side,

I said I putt cross-handed, he said I putt cross-eyed,

He checked my game out thoroughly, to get me back on track,

He said my track leads far away, and don't think of coming back.

I know what you are wondering, just why I play this game,

Even though I'm really horrible, embarrassing my name,

Hitting slices, dips and vicious hooks, shanks and whiffs and drubs,

It's because I've found the answer, IT'S GOT TO BE THE CLUBS!!!

-- Posted by Neverhadittolose on Thu, Apr 2, 2009, at 6:25 AM

That might be the best golf poem ever.

-- Posted by simmons on Thu, Apr 2, 2009, at 1:25 PM

Have a great vacation AL...

-- Posted by Mr. Robato on Thu, Apr 2, 2009, at 2:34 PM

Enjoy your vacation, Old Simmons. Think you'll get any golf in? Ha! Me told a funny.

-- Posted by Neverhadittolose on Thu, Apr 2, 2009, at 2:42 PM

Great poem.

I'm headed to Augusta next Friday for a day at the Masters!

-- Posted by horrorwriter on Fri, Apr 3, 2009, at 6:32 PM

Round one is history and I'm 8 strokes behind. This is going to be a struggle, I just wasn't prepared.

-- Posted by simmons on Fri, Apr 3, 2009, at 8:26 PM

Good poem! The swing in the photo, A Rembrandt!! How can you be down 8 strokes?

-- Posted by Wiglund on Fri, Apr 3, 2009, at 10:14 PM

The 8 stroke deficit was due to one factor...Steve played good and I didn't. Having a great time, just getting breakfast now for a 7:21 tee time at Sarasota National. The comeback begins shortly.

-- Posted by simmons on Sat, Apr 4, 2009, at 5:07 AM

After the second round I find myself 13 strokes back of Sims the Elder. Couldn't ask for a nicer day and a better course to play than Sarasota National. Having a great time, but my lack of talent has, to date, precluded any chance of providing Steve with good competition. The third round begins in about 4 hours back at the same place and Nick will be joining us for this round. No matter how bad my chances look, I remain optimistic that some semblance of a golf game will return.

-- Posted by simmons on Sat, Apr 4, 2009, at 10:19 AM

36 holes in a day may be too much for me anymore. I did manage to win the front nine by a stroke, but I lost the back nine by 5 strokes, I am now down 17 strokes. My scoring is consistently improving, however so is Steve's. There are 5 days remaining, plenty of time for a comeback. Back to Sarasota National in the morning for 36 more. I love this game.

-- Posted by simmons on Sat, Apr 4, 2009, at 6:31 PM

Good memories of Sarasota. Roger, I can not spell his last name, he had Roger's Spot, where I have had coffee and heard better lectures about Military History than in college courses. He visited me in Siesta Key Beach where I was living and we did the Sarasota Golf rounds for a few days. Sarasota Golf Club was my favorite, well the cheapest, and it had about an eight or nine foot long alligator in the pond on number six and I wanted to see Roger's eyes when walked up to that lizard. We did the American course, and had as much fun as can be had. If you have half as much fun as the stories he tells of that week, you could re-examine your returning.

-- Posted by oracle granite on Sun, Apr 5, 2009, at 2:25 AM

That would be Roger Sherrard, Oracle. I too have fond memories of The Spot, but I'm not sure if I ever learned anything of value there. It was there that I became Ol'Simmons one day when Willie McKinley asked Rog, "Where's Ol'Simmons, I haven't seen him for awhile."

This is an annual journey to Venice for Steve and I to visit with Mom and Nick and to play golf. I hope we can make the trip for many years to come. This Sarasota National course where we are playing is a new place, which is actually south of Venice, so it is not in Sarasota.

Here it is Sunday morning on day three and we tee of again in a little over 2 hours. Between rounds yesterday, Steve took a nap and I walked up town and back. I think now that his strategy was a bit wiser. I shall consider conserving my strength more cautiously today. He has always proven to be much smarter than me, so I shall continue to pursue getting strokes back with nothing but dogged determination.

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy this stuff. Sunshine, mid-eighties, and golfing all day. As Wigs would say, "Oh Boy"

* Just an added note: For those of you who struggle with bunker shots, I'm fairly sure I'll be qualified to give lessons after this week.

-- Posted by simmons on Sun, Apr 5, 2009, at 4:24 AM

Wow, Wish I was with you...Saturday at the Phil was beautiful, but the weather up here is getting ready to turn back to the nasty winter. Keep pluggin away at Steve, and maybe you can get a couple strokes back each side. By the way, Im sure Terry was more scared of the gator than Roger. If I remember correctly, it was Terry that was scared to death as an 8 foot black snake was sunning itself one day on the 9th hole at Rolling Meadows.

-- Posted by Mr. Robato on Sun, Apr 5, 2009, at 9:29 AM

The morning round is over and the comeback is in full swing. I made up twelve strokes with a pretty decent 18 holes of golf, so now I'm only 5 down heading into the afternoon. I just hope my body holds up for eighteen more. I bought one of those 5 Hour Energy drinks and I may need it.

The sun is shining, the gators are sunning and I'm putting fairly well. Mr. Robato, you would love this.

-- Posted by simmons on Sun, Apr 5, 2009, at 12:55 PM

Im sure I would love it, as it is raining, and hailing here on Sunday. Im pretty sure the high tomorrow is supposed to be 38, while the low is 36. Typical Indiana weather this time of year. Watching your blog, so keep updating. 12 strokes in 18 holes...WOW, Steve must be getting nervous trying to hang on.

-- Posted by Mr. Robato on Sun, Apr 5, 2009, at 1:05 PM

There is a new leader in the clubhouse, I mean in Mom's house. I picked up another 9 strokes in the afternoon and lead by 4. There's not a muscle in my body that doesn't hurt right now and there's a lot of golf left in the next four days. Fairways and greens, fairways and greens.

-- Posted by simmons on Sun, Apr 5, 2009, at 6:55 PM

What a day, you are leading by 4...I bet you couldnt get a greased bb up Steve's bottom in the afternoon round. My Vegas bet is not looking very good now. Ask Steve if he has ever heard the work C-H-O-K-E

-- Posted by Mr. Robato on Sun, Apr 5, 2009, at 7:03 PM

There wasn't any choke in Steve's game, I just played better. Steve never lets any of this get under his skin, he's impervious to pressure and there's no pressure anyway, it is all in fun. For anyone who has ever played this game, you know that there is an extremely fine line between playing well and not playing well, yesterday I played real well, but today is another day. When you get out here in this kind of weather after fighting through the cold of another Indiana winter, all you can do is marvel at how nice life is in short sleeve shirts and shorts.

JamesM, I played the morning round with the new Burner and the afternoon round with the old Bertha to see how wise my $220 investment was and I couldn't tell any difference off the tee. The difference was in the short game, chipping and putting. I hit a lot of solid long irons too, the 2-iron was a valuable tool yesterday. Maybe with more practice, I'd find that the Burner with the senior shaft is the club for me, but I just threw it into the heat of battle without much preparation.

I relish the opportunity to do battle again today and win or lose, I will be doing exactly what I want to do, just playing golf with Steve. He drove a par 4 yesterday morning and almost made a hole-in-one. That was really the highlight of may day. Strange as it may seem, I have found that although I love hitting good golf shots, I get more enjoyment out of seeing others hit good shots.

We were paired with a couple of young lads from Nova Scotia yesterday morning and a couple of brothers from Charlotte, NC in the afternoon, none of whom were very good golfers, but both rounds were enjoyable experiences.

We've got Sarasota National this morning and University Park this afternoon. Be the Ball. (na-na-na-na-na-na)

-- Posted by simmons on Mon, Apr 6, 2009, at 4:38 AM

You know AL, that I am just trying to get a good natured rib on Steve, with the greased bb comment. I am sure he will post soon on this thread. There is now a freeze advisory in this area, so I now envy both of you even more.

-- Posted by Mr. Robato on Mon, Apr 6, 2009, at 7:36 AM

I was trying to log in to make a comment, when I ran into a lot of problems with the login. Turns out, I misspelled virginia....unless, they've changed the spelling. I never thought that 3rd i was really necessary.

Anyway, it's good to hear that you're enjoying your time away. Have a great rest of your trip!

-- Posted by virgina was for lovers on Mon, Apr 6, 2009, at 9:03 AM

"Strange as it may seem, I have found that although I love hitting good golf shots, I get more enjoyment out of seeing others hit good shots." - Simmons

I not only love seeing others hit good shots, I must subconsciously mean to miss three foot putts.

It makes the other guy happy and I don't have to lug around such a heavy wallet.

-- Posted by Neverhadittolose on Mon, Apr 6, 2009, at 9:58 AM

My 4 shot lead has dwindled to 2 after this morning's round. The wind picked up today and provided a little more of a challenge, but we both played fairly well. I did manage to go bunker to bunker on one hole, which is always a special treat that I don't think people truly appreciate.

Playing University Park in a little over an hour from now. I've never been there so I'm looking forward to a new challenge. Alternating now between the two drivers as part of a new strategy aimed at keeping my opponent confused. Too early to tell if it is working.

-- Posted by simmons on Mon, Apr 6, 2009, at 11:05 AM

I'm pretty sure Virgina dropped one i last year to save money on signs.

-- Posted by simmons on Mon, Apr 6, 2009, at 11:09 AM

Good to hear things are going well Simmons, sounds like your game may have come out of hibernation. Im very jealous of your weather, although my hockey game is sure to be sharp when you return as freezing weather is back in Greene Co. Maybe that will help my golf swing, look what it did for ol Joe Hart.

I played University Park a few years ago, soon after I had taken up the game. I still think it was one of the nicest courses I have played, absolutely beautiful. I believe hole #5 is the par 3 carrying all the water and sand, terrifying from the tee for a beginner like myself. I might still be there trying to finish that hole 'tin cup style' if not for my partners kind words and offer of a cold beverage and a convenient drop area. We also ran into a few gators on that course, while looking for one of my many errant shots. I was playing solo, so I was matched up with an older gentleman from Canada, who was in Fla visiting his son. He had borrowed his sons clubs (lefty when he was not), so the round was very entertaining. He had a much better swing than me regardless and I remember how patient he was with me, we laughed at each other all day long.I am hoping that your round was as enjoyable as mine was, playing golf with your brother in the warm Fla sun is about as good as it gets enjoy!

PS You may want to pick up a Cincinnati Reds cap down there, spring training has broke so I am sure they are having a clearance sale, my guess is you will be pulling for them to score many runs this season. Have a great trip and see you soon, bring that sunshine back with you as well if you dont mind.

-- Posted by midnightrambler on Mon, Apr 6, 2009, at 12:45 PM

My 2 shot lead is now down to 1. Neither of us played well this afternoon at University Park with only a handful of good shots surrounded by plenty of poor ones. The course is very nice and meanders through some very nice homes and the club has a nice croquet area. I don't think I've ever seen one quite so fancy. I'm fairly sure that I've never played croquet on such a level area and definitely not on one that is totally mole free.

Just had dinner at Buddy's Pizza and the weather here has cooled down to 69 degrees. Looks like a windbreaker may be in order for tomorrow morning back at Sarasota National. I definitely need a good nights' sleep as my body is breaking down. A one shot lead could easily be gone by the first hole.

Life is good. Cheers.

-- Posted by simmons on Mon, Apr 6, 2009, at 6:18 PM

This may be tough playing in 65 degree weather this morning. You're right JamesM, the wind has picked up and I'll have to hit some knock-downs today.

I have a lot of confidence in the morning rounds, but I tend to grow weary in the afternoons. Sims the Elder is in much better shape than I, so it will be a struggle to hang on.

-- Posted by simmons on Tue, Apr 7, 2009, at 4:45 AM

This match might come down to the final day, final hole, final putt...

-- Posted by Mr. Robato on Tue, Apr 7, 2009, at 10:33 AM

You never know, that's the great thing about golf, you just never know. The morning round at Sarasota National was pretty tough golf conditions as the wind blew hard for all 18 holes. I increased my lead by 5 strokes and now lead by 6. At one time this morning it was up to 10 but Steve battled back very nicely.

We played with a young gentleman who is the high school golf coach at Milford, Michigan. He and Steve are both math teachers so they talked about coaching golf and math equations, I just hit knock-downs and scrambled for pars and bogeys.

Stopped and got Aden a couple of Venice, Florida t-shirts. Look forward to seeing him Thursday night after my victory on the links.

-- Posted by simmons on Tue, Apr 7, 2009, at 11:05 AM

The afternoon round was a battle against the elements as the wind picked up and played havoc with a lot of shots. My 6 stroke lead after the morning round was gone this afternoon by the 8th hole. At the end of nine rounds now, I have a 1 stroke lead and we are playing 36 holes at Oak Ford tomorrow. It is an entirely different type of course that plays pretty tight tee to green with swamps and tree lined fairways.

The oddsmakers are totally confused now, as am I. I have 3 drivers in my bag and as of this minute, I'm not sure which one to sell first.

-- Posted by simmons on Tue, Apr 7, 2009, at 6:27 PM

Mom and Nick beat us soundly at dominoes last night, I'm sure it was due to the home table advantage. Then we had a big piece of german chocolate cake for Steve's birthday. He is now 2 years older than me for another 54 days.

I may play the old 2-iron off the tee on some of the short par 4's this morning. I used that strategy at Oak Ford last year and stayed out of trouble most of the day. My confidence in my drivers is at an all time low.

Rambler, I can't imagine the Reds ever scoring 15 runs in one game, maybe I can work a trade with Schulte.

-- Posted by simmons on Wed, Apr 8, 2009, at 4:59 AM

There's a beautiful full moon over Venice this morning as we prepare for our final round of golf and the trip back to Indy.

Yesterday was a wonderful day at Oak Ford. It is my favorite course with 27 holes set in a remote wildlife habitat. I got off to an early lead in the morning round and Steve won the afternoon round. After 11 rounds of golf, I have a scant 9 stroke lead, less than a shot per round and we are headed back to Sarasota National for the final 18 holes. The weather is fantastic and it will be sad to leave such warmth for the return to the cold country. I will have my sunburn to remind me when I get home.

Steve and I were paired in the morning round yesterday with two elderly gentlemen, appropriately named Ted and Mickey. They were however, not as adept at golf as Williams and Mantle were at baseball. Steve was sure that one or the other would not live through the round.

Here's hoping that I hold on to my lead for bragging rights for another year, but if I don't, what the heck, it was a great time.

-- Posted by simmons on Thu, Apr 9, 2009, at 4:58 AM

Thank goodness this is over. How can I write about such an insignificant event as our trip to Florida on the same page as Ted Bishop's reporting from the Masters.

I'll just close by saying it was a great time and I can brag a bit for another year.

-- Posted by simmons on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, at 4:18 AM

Glad you made it back, and Congrats.

-- Posted by Mr. Robato on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, at 8:44 AM

It was a great trip, some good, some bad and some ugly golf at times, but fun. The better golfer won this year, as in the past 2 trips. But, there's always next year...

-- Posted by Chris&Jeremy'sDad on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, at 10:57 AM

I enjoyed the updates...Thanks to both of you!!!

-- Posted by Mr. Robato on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, at 11:09 AM

Glad to hear we have you back safely Keith, you can never be certain when you are golfing near gators. Sounds like a great trip, and you knocked off the winter rust on that swing, but if the driver is out of whack like you say, we will be spending a lot more time together. Not to worry, I have already staked out most of the woods and ditches at the Phil so I will be a great tour guide. As impressive as it is to have Ted down in Augusta giving us his account from inside the ropes, I think I speak for most of us that post here, that you are and always will be our favorite golf/history/life/misc. blogger.

Keep up the good posts, and Im sure I will see you soon...now if you could just do something about this weather.

-- Posted by midnightrambler on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, at 2:10 PM

It was fun to read your daily reports from the links! What was your favorite hole of the trip??

-- Posted by Maverick81 on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, at 6:00 PM

I think I can probably answer that one for him, Maverick. Hole #4, Greenland, at Sarasota National. He killed it almost the whole week.

-- Posted by Chris&Jeremy'sDad on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, at 7:51 PM