Flying Kayaks and Blazing Sevens

It was a beautiful drive home this morning. There is very little that is more refreshing than a bit of sunshine during the Indiana monsoon season. I was amused as I noted the number of signs saying "Hay for Sale", just outside of Haysville. Heading north on 231, I followed an SUV with 2 kayaks mounted on a top rack and two bikes mounted on a tail rack. I just imagined what a healthy weekend this couple must have had. A couple of miles out of Haysville, I saw a bungee cord fly off one of the kayaks and rapidly eased off the gas as the kayak slid to the right, caught the wind and then become airborne. The return to terra firma was not exactly an earth shattering experience, so it is back to the shipyard because that boat won't float no mo'. I stopped and helped gather the pieces for the young couple and suggested a change to their tie down procedure so that kayak number two could make it home undisturbed and still seaworthy. It's always a pleasure to utilize my hard earned engineering degree for the good of humankind.

It is times like this that I'm always reminded of my favorite kayak joke. Lars the bartender asked Ollie, "Do ya know da difference between a Norwegian and a kayak?" "No, I don't," said Ollie. "A kayak will sometimes tip." I'm going to have to ask Rusty if he ever used that line at The Funhouse.

My intentions of going to Shelbyville to the horse races were met with a period of indifference on Friday and I selected a weekend at French Lick instead. There are times when you receive news that shocks your central nervous system and creates havoc and chaos in your mind. Normally when that happens to me, I like to chill for a bit and examine what is going on. So I neglected Shelbyville for the time being and opted for the closer, more familiar French Lick. One of the nicest things about being single and not having anyone care where you are, what you are doing, why you are doing it, how long you are going to be gone, whether or not you will even come back and any other thing that they can dream up to wonder about, is that you can change your mind at a moments notice and not have to argue your case in court. Consequently, armed with a few hundred dollars, I set off with one goal in mind...have a good time.

I have an unbelievably high degree of faith in a handful of Blazing Seven quarter machines that regularly cough up $500 jackpots in my favor. They did not disappoint on Friday, as I nailed two of them (for $503.50 and $502.00) within my first hour. After this accomplishment, I settled in at the bar and consumed a large bowl of French Onion Soup. I can often sit drooling for hours while I daydream about a good bowl of French Onion Soup.

What happened during my Blazing Seven run is definitely worth mentioning. As I was being paid off on my first jackpot, the young lady doing the payoff glanced past me over my shoulder and saw an elderly woman (I think she was about my age) with a small dog inside of her jacket. She finished my payoff and then proceeded to tell the woman (with back-up from a couple of Security Guards) that she was going to have to leave the casino. Obviously there is an ordinance against allowing animals to gamble within the boundaries of the State of Indiana (it is called the "Lucky Dog" Law), which prevents anyone from having an unfair advantage over the casino. A new bill, which is now before the legislature, provides the State with a means to tax all dogs equally so this may provide relief to these casino banned canines. I won't say that the lady went dragging and screaming, but she did offer some unasked for directional guidance to the security folks on her way out. I couldn't help but think that the poor dog needed to dial Gamblers' Anonymous.

Back to my gambling...the little dog encounter initiated some daydreaming on my part (daydreaming is allowed while playing the slots) about a Supreme Court case from the early 90's, Lukumi Babalu Aye vs Hialeah. In this case, the court declared a Florida law unconstitutional that basically outlawed the use of animals during religious rites. I remember when I first read this case several years ago that I wondered if this was not the church of Ricky Ricardo. I always thought the Mertz's looked a lot like they had just sacrificed some animal and that strange look in Lucy's eyes seemed awful suspicious too.

After my French Onion Soup, I moved on down to the one dollar Wheel of Fortune slots. I enjoy this area even when I'm not winning because it draws a wonderfully strange breed of human beings who like to yell and scream about little or nothing at all. I hit the SPIN button vary rarely for the first hour or so and was just hanging on to my first Ben, when out of nowhere, I hit a Double-Double-Red Seven for $640. I quietly cashed out amidst the chaos around me and headed for the bar. I celebrated for awhile at the bar and contemplated my next move, as I now had over $1500 of the casino's cash tucked into the billfold. I decided to venture on to the High Rollers area. This is sacred ground in a casino. It belongs to the independently wealthy and the poor sick addicts who are in the process of losing the family farm. I had made up my mind to find a $5 slot machine and invest $500 of my hard earned winnings. In retrospect, one might say that was a bad decision (I've made a career/lifetime out of those). Although it was the fastest that I ever lost $500, I did get a free drink and a few laughs. Don't think I'll be visiting the High Rollers section again soon.

After enjoying a rib-eye with a huge baked spud at Diamond Jim's Trattoria, I walked around and talked to friends for awhile (I've never been to French Lick without seeing several old friends and making some more) and then I headed up to the room. I am extremely fond of the beds at French Lick, so I settled in for a good read of a book that I have on loan from a friend, 'The Mysterious Montague', and made it almost two pages before I drifted off for the night.

Saturday I returned home, played 18 holes of golf (eleven good holes and 7 very poor holes and all were sloppy wet holes) and then called to see if I could have another free room at the casino for Saturday night. Got my confirmation number, took a shower, packed my bag and headed back south. After checking in, I made a bee line for the Blazing Sevens and hit a jackpot in about 30 minutes for $511.50. I eased into the bar at Diamond Jim's Trattoria and worked on some chicken tenders and fries and heard the announcement for the slot tourney. One of my friends from Elnora was announced so I made a note to find him when I got done eating. He finished third and won $2000, so he and I had a couple of drinks, a few laughs and I donated a couple of hundred into a dollar Wheel of Fortune machine. I wandered around and played a half dozen other machines and found no luck at all, so I gave up and hiked my poor tired dogs off to bed. After another couple of pages of 'The Mysterious Montague' (at this rate I'll return the book about Christmas time), I succumbed to exhaustion and slept straight through until my normal 0430 call to nature.

What a great weekend, but maybe next weekend I can just play golf and it won't rain.