That'll Be the Day

I'm always running out of ideas for Christmas presents for my kids. It seems like the older I get, the harder it is for me to come up with something new every year. The older I get the slower I move, the slower I think and the slower I react, so let's try to give me a little more time here. The closer it gets to Christmas every year, the worse it gets with all these sleigh bells ringing and so many people decking the halls that I cannot possibly think straight. I think we should increase the length of the holiday from one day to an entire week, which would allow sufficient time off for shopping, wrapping and being appropriately jolly. Ponder that one for a bit, if you will.

I've recently drafted a letter to our State Representatives suggesting that they propose elevating St. Patrick's Day and Easter to Federal Holiday status. Come on folks, these are huge holidays and need some more high level recognition. I'm not even going to get into the pains taking tasks of drinking green beer and hiding eggs, which both require a significant amount of time to be done properly (especially if done concurrently). Also, I have found out the hard way for many years now that the time period from Presidents Day until Memorial Day is way too long for Government workers to have to work without a holiday. See me, if you want to sign my petition.

I've also asked for a holiday for August because August is such a long, hot barren month that deserves at least one holiday like all the rest. I've found that there is a holiday called International Friendship Day which falls on the first Sunday in August and could easily be moved to the first Monday without destroying any deep-rooted friendships. On a beautiful August Friendship Day, everyone should grab three close friends, head out to the golf course and rekindle some friendships. Also, if you don't like golf, go fishing or hunting or whatever other silly thing you might want to do and do it. My, oh my, how much better everyone would feel. If it happens to be raining on Friendship Day, it would only be appropriate that everyone should be allowed to go to work and take off the first dry day following Friendship Day (just the opposite for farmers). Hence, we would have a floating Friendship Day for fair weather aficionados. Now that would be exercising some common sense, don't you think?

I was born on June the 1st and I am a firm believer that this day should be a holiday for me and a select group of friends of my choosing. (I would be empowered to change this list every year.) Everyone should get the opportunity to take the day off on their birthday (or wait until a Monday if their birthday falls on a weekend). The day of our birth was such a wonderful event for our parents and it is only right that we should honor our parents by celebrating the anniversary of our birth every single year with an appropriate amount of glee and merriment. *You should seriously consider supporting this if you are a very friendly person, because if you get chosen in that select group of people by enough friends, you may never have to work another day in your life.

I have a proposal pending about Veteran's Day that you might like to hear about. This was meant to be a day to honor our Veterans and I honestly believe that all Veterans should get 3 days off for this holiday. I mean seriously, a 1-day holiday is a shallow way to honor someone who voluntarily, or involuntarily for that matter, served his/her country, don't you think? Come on, let's show our Vets what we really think and give them a 3-day holiday. Just think what a boon this would be for recruiting. Heck, if I weren't so old and already a Vet, I'd enlist for an annual 3-day holiday.

What's with this Thanksgiving on Thursday stuff anyway? Let's just make it a Friday or if they are insistent on Thursday, then add Friday and make it a 2-day holiday. Who thinks up this stuff anyway? What are we supposed to do, go back to work with a bellyache on Friday? I know some people who are forced to use their own vacation time on Friday because they've stuck this holiday on Thursday.

While we are on the subject of schedules, I'd like to make the recommendation that from now on everyone goes on a 4-day work week; Monday through Thursday. This is one of the greatest ideas anyone has every come up with and should be accepted universally without question. The energy savings accumulated by vacating buildings for an extra day and by not driving to work on Fridays makes this a no brainer. Plus, I get up early dang near every morning and I think I should be able to go to work when I get up. I'd like to be at work at 4:30 am and leave every day at 1:30 pm; that's a good 9 hour day. If you happen to be a supervisor, boss, owner of a business or just someone who thinks you are downright important, think about this schedule for a minute or two and you will see that it makes perfect sense. If you don't see this, then you have no business being a supervisor, boss or owner of any business and have no right at all to think that you are anything but narrow-minded and a shallow human being with no compassion for your fellow man. Sorry for being so harsh, but I don't pull any punches when I'm talking holidays and work schedules.

There's just one more proposed holiday that I would like to address and then I shall put this to rest for a short while. It is my humble opinion that we should all have a holiday on February the 3rd. On this fateful day in 1959, we lost Buddy Holly in a plane crash and I believe with all my heart that everyone should take this day off from work in remembrance of Buddy. It wouldn't be a bad idea if we had mandatory sock hops and a 24 hour black out of all television programs, which would be properly replaced with Buddy's music and Don McLean's 'American Pie". On the anniversary of the day the music died, let's pay tribute by making this a Federal Holiday, by driving our Chevys to the levees and by dancing all day to his music. (Plus this would give us a day to recover from the annual excessive glee and merriment experienced every Groundhog's Day.)

In the event that I have missed any holidays that you feel should be elevated in stature or even the establishment of some new holidays, please feel free to contact me at any time for moral support. I'll be your huckleberry.