I Think Therefore I Am Hungry

Yesterday a good friend of mine reminded me that I haven't written anything in a while and that I needed to write something. Maybe I need an agent or maybe a personal trainer to flex my mind. Maybe I should just retire and draw my Greene County Daily World pension. After seeing the preview for a new movie recently, I've considered hiring a ghost writer. As a matter of fact, I have thought about it quite a bit lately but just haven't been able to come up with a subject that has interested me.

While driving in this morning to the Big Fenced in Place, I began thinking in earnest about a writing subject. When I think in earnest, I often get massive headaches so I find myself refraining from such exercises as much as possible. It is extremely dangerous for me to be driving a rapidly moving vehicle when I have these headaches, so I'm not sure that the State of Indiana shouldn't put a provisionary statement on my driver's license that prohibits me from thinking while driving. Quite honestly, nowadays if I think real hard, I swear I can hear little gears moving in my head...real slowly. They sound rusty and creaky like they have witnessed very little use in the past half century. I'm afraid that they may seize up at any minute and I'll wind up lost in thought forever. I can just see some obnoxious doctor telling my family that I'm in an irreversible catatonic state and I'll be laying there motionless trying to tell the idiot that I just need a few squirts of WD-40.

I have thought about my life and what kind of interesting things that I'd been doing and realized that my life was probably only interesting to me. (And maybe Aden.) I picked him up after work yesterday; we drove to Walmart, grabbed a bag of apples and two new puzzles and shuffled back across the river. We found a 300 piece puzzle that looked like fun, but it was a Christmas scene and I thought it was a little late or maybe a lot early for something like that. The puzzle had a train in it though, so we bought it. He grabbed another puzzle of SpongeBob and Patrick, which I unsuccessfully tried to argue him away from. So, Aden worked on SpongeBob by himself while I peeled the apples and put an apple crisp in the oven. Then my little buddy and I sat down to the train puzzle and had a great time helping each other piece it put together before he had to go home.

He's really funny about these puzzles. He always wants to put in the last piece and usually when we get down to a half dozen pieces left, he'll tell me that he can finish it by himself. I don't know how many times I'll find a piece and place it in position and he'll say, "Hey, I was looking for that piece." That's when I tickle him. And that my friends, is very interesting to me, but probably not to you.

My winter months are extremely laid back and that's probably a good indication of why I have become a rather huge individual...I guess to be politically correct and you all know that I'm a PC kind of guy, let's say that I'm just downright fat. I am somewhat like a bear in the winter, except for the fact that during my hibernation I eat relatively well. No, please allow me to elaborate on that thought; I eat very well. Most people eat until they are full, but I eat...and eat...and eat, until I get tired...of eating.

I like to cook and I like to eat, which is a superb combination for somebody whose goal in life is to get real fat. That's not exactly a goal of mine but I'm sure it appears so to many people right now. I don't really establish goals anymore, even at golf; I just enjoy myself to the best of my ability. Although as I look back, I have, most assuredly, been better at eating than anything thing else I've ever done.

Additionally, this type of life doesn't bode well for my future retirement plans. Just think how much I would eat if I were retired. It is pretty much a proven fact that eating more has a remarkable tendency to become quite expensive. Not exactly what someone needs to be looking at on a fixed income. My grocery bill is more than most people spend on a decent mortgage payment and just think about the gas I use making so many trips to the grocery store. Also, I spend a tremendous amount of money on soap, because it just takes a lot more soap to wash a huge body than it does to wash a slim one. And think of my clothes, they have become bigger, hence my clothes washer becomes full much quicker so I have to wash more loads and use more soap. Plus, I'm always in the kitchen cooking or eating something; consequently I'm always washing more dishes and using more soap. It is a wonder that the world hasn't suffered from a soap shortage this winter. I had a dream the other night about the folks at Proctor and Gamble inducting me into their soap purchasing Hall of Fame.

My New Year starts on April the 1st (on the Ol' Simmons calendar this is the Year of the Pig) and I am making a New Years' resolution to quit eating quite so much until next winter. (Oops, I got a little apple crisp on the monitor.) And that, quite possibly, could be this year's biggest April Fool's joke of all.