I Know I Keep You Amused

I had the door and window propped open. The rain would be here shortly and I love to lie on the sofa and read while it is raining. I could feel the breeze picking up and almost smell the rain in the air. I've been reading Halberstam's, "The Fifties", again; for maybe the third or fourth time. I've wanted to start a couple of other books, but Megan has them and she can't ever remember to bring them to me. I'm usually tired by this time of day and seldom do I get a page read before I doze off for a short nap. Today I never got through that first paragraph.

I awoke to a loud clap of thunder and looked up to see someone at my door. As I crawled off of the sofa (this can be a long drawn out process for me anymore), I glanced up and couldn't believe my eyes; it was Maggie. I threw open the door and shouted at her to get in out of the rain. In she came, followed by her cowboy friend, the feller I took for Howdy Doody several years ago. She said, "You remember (Bryan/Howard/Harry or Tim or something like that) don't you Simmons?" I said, "Oh yeah," stuck out my hand and spit out something like "how are you Bud?"

Then I looked out in the driveway and saw the truck and horse trailer and it all started coming back to me. "You're sure moving around pretty good on that wooden leg Maggie." She just smiled and kissed me on the cheek, "Oh Simmons, you know I can do whatever I put my mind to." She was sure right about that; my Maggie could make Hilary Clinton look like a helpless kitten when she put her mind to something.

As we sat and talked, I heard about her rodeo triumphs and her ranch. "Oh Simmons, I have such beautiful flowers, you need to come and see them someday." I told her that I would, but knew it would never happen. She had her Howdy (Bryan/Howard/Harry or Tim or something like that) Doody and her lovely flowers on her ranch and I'd never see those flowers. I did ask her how the rodeo circuit was and what events she entered. I found out later that this was a mistake because she could go on for hours about that rodeo. She said that she mostly did barrel riding now, but she had tried calf roping. "Oh Simmons, you would have died laughing when you saw me try that on my first leg. A couple of times I lassoed that calf, jumped off my pony, landed on the wooden leg and durn near screwed myself into the ground." She was beginning to sound a lot like Howdy now.

Just sitting there listening to her chatting away, I asked if she wanted a drink and she told me that she didn't drink anymore. Shocked, I was flabbergasted, this woman who once drank like she had a hollow leg, now had a hollow leg and didn't drink. Howdy figured he ought to have one though; just to knock down the trail dust, so I headed off to the fridge. "You look like a Bud man, uh Bud?" "Nah Ol' Mr. Simmons, I'd just as soon have one of them there imports if you got one, sir." I always like to be called "sir" by the boyfriend of one my ex-girlfriends, makes me feel...real old. "Well Bud, the only import I have cold is a Coors, imported all the way from Colorado." Bud just looked at me, smiled and said very politely, "That sounds great sir, thank you very kindly."

After listening to Maggie go on about how great her life was for the best part of nearly 2 and a half hours, she finally looked at Howdy and said, "Why don't you feed and water the horses and shovel out the trailer and then we'll be on our way." Howdy jumped up and patted her on the head and told her as he was heading out the door, "Sure thing Missy, I'll have her ready to go in an hour." I swear; I never moved that fast in my entire life.

When Howdy cleared the door, Maggie moved on over closer to me and whispered some strange things in my ear. She was telling me how she never quit loving me and how she knew that I still loved her and this life was crazy and a bunch of other stuff that didn't seem to make much sense to me. Maggie quietly asked me, "Simmons, could you just pack up and go home with me?" My, my, my, what was I hearing? Her eyes were so beautiful and she had lost a lot of weight and still cut a nice trim figure after all these years. Here she was; traveling the country with Howdy and their horses, sitting on my reading sofa, with eyes as big as day, asking me to get up and leave with her. I looked into those big blue eyes (I think she was wearing contacts) and asked, "What about Bud or Howdy or whatever his name is?" and it was at this time that he yelled from the door, "Maggie, it's time to go." "OK," she yelled and popped up to her feet. (How does she do that on that prosthetic leg?) She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, "Bye Simmons, come and see me."

I looked out the door as they motored out of sight and there sat these two huge hills of horse manure right in my driveway. Oh Maggie, you stole my heart but I love you anyway.