Have you ever thought about buying your dog a 'Doggie bikini'

Catalogs come into our house like ants in the spring. We have several floating about our house that we did not order. What strikes me about them is that they, like the shops in Nashville, Ind., have everything you want but don't need. When the necessary (Fort Necessity) sat outside catalogs were used for something else that shall not be mentioned here. Today ours go to recycling.

How about a special bowl to bake beans? "Enjoy flavorful baked beans. You have never tasted truly mouth-watering baked beans until you've baked them in an honest-to-goodness ceramic bean pot for only $24.99. It is freezer and oven safe."

Well, hey howdy. I guess our baked beans have been horrible all these years because BW bakes them in a glass dish or a metal pan. I wonder if Jay Bush and "Duke" know this.

We have been so out of date for years because we usually gnaw corn off the cob like pigs. We do use knives to cut it off for freezing. The French people laugh us to scorn and call us barbarians because we eat corn on the cob. Who cares what they think? Comes now a device to cut corn off the cob for only $7.99. It is a corn ripper with sharp teeth to strip corn kernels quickly without cutting into the cob or your fingers. That is thoughtful. It looks like a sideways oriented single edge Gillette razor of World War II vintage. I'm still going to gnaw it off like a pig.

Have you ever thought about buying your dog a Doggie bikini? "Turn your dog into an instant party animal with an adorable Hawaiian bikini. Each has a grass skirt and tropical print tops for only $10." I visualize how Brownie our old coon hound would react if we had tried to dress him thusly. He would probably have shown his disdain for haute couture fashion by careening into the barn yard and flopping around in a fresh cow pie.

Then I saw the Ped Egg. It is a small domed plastic egg shaped device with one flat side. It is the ultimate foot file for smooth, beautiful feet. "The Ped Egg uses over 135 stainless steel precision micro files on that flat side to flawlessly smooth your feet as it gently removes calluses and dead skin. Safe to the touch, its ergonomic, no-mess design collects shaving inside for only $9.99." I thought about getting BW one for her birthday. Instead I got a block of wood from the garage and a piece of sandpaper. It works just as well and it cost less than a nickel. I'm going to market it as a Foot Smoother Outer.

I did find one outstanding product that I will order. It is roof repair and it only costs $21.99. We will need to replace our roof again. This product is a cream that can be spread on shingles and it restores them to like new. What a deal. I wonder if Johns Manville knows about this product? Wait a minute. I read the article again and it seems to be a cream to soothe the pain, ease the inflammation and repair the skin when a person has shingles. Rats.

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School. He lives in Plainfield and can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at Larry Vandeventer 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168.