Things You Should Never Buy Used
I read an article recently that recommended that there are some things to never buy used such as cribs, child car seats and digital cameras.
Let's get serious. Never buy unwashed used underwear. That registers a 1000 on the Ewwwww Meter. I find it difficult to stand my own dirty underwear racing stripes notwithstanding.
Never buy used toothbrushes, it should be teethbrushes, from a homeless street vendor who obvious has been dumpster diving at Dr. Yankem's office of dentistry. That registers another 1000 on the Ick Meter.
It could be very tempting to buy marked down peanuts. I encourage you to make sure they were not chocolate covered at one time making them used. Ooof. That isn't even funny, Elzy.
It might be tempting because of the extremely low prices but never buy used tongue depressors from the Ebola Clinic in Tanzania. They use one end for patient one and the other for patient two. In hurried times with many patients waiting they forget if they have used both ends or not and start over.
I recommend that you never buy recycled diapers no matter how clean they look. One never knows where they come from or the sanitary methods used in the recycling process. Recently a diaper recycling company in El Paso, TX, (get it) was cited for the lack of sanitary conditions and making deposits in other banks in another attempt to launder the diapers.
Even though the prices are tempting never purchased used flip flops from the fungi toenail clinic in Toenail, Arizona. It is so dry there that they never wash shoes and seldom their feet. That is why fungus is a problem for them. There is a reason their work motto is, "At ease disease, there is a fungus amongus. "
Used Kleenex tissues are also on the list to avoid. You may find a big, fat, yellowish black booger in there that is undesirable. In addition there may be viruses to attack you not your computer, and give you rhino infections.
Back in my salad days, many men and some women chewed tobacco. It was not unusual to see 'baccer juice' running out of the corners of a man's mouth and encrusting his beard. Some were so juicy that it infested his entire beard and ran down his neck to party down South. Don't buy used chewing tobacco because most of the flavor will surely be gone and the taste may be tainted with pork rinds and shine.
It is very expensive to renovate a house or to construct a new one. However, it is not recommended that a cost saving measure would be to purchase used commodes from the bus station in Bogota, Columbia. It is always hot there and the commodes become havens for fungus growth and bacteria proliferation. You could get a rash that would be worse than Howard Stern's mouth.
There is a company named Effluent, Excrement and Beyond that is recycling toilet tissue. This sounds like a program on "Dirty Jobs" starring Eddie Buttafalco and newcomer Seymour Butts. This seems like such a waste even though the company did receive a trophy and award for going "Above and Beyond the Call of "Dooty. "
Sometimes it is best to just bite the bullet and buy new stuff.
My website Larryvandeventer.com - Read about my books, buy them, and my columns. Larry Vandeventer grew up North of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State U. - Four time. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.
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