​I’m glad I am not a teenager

I remember being a teenager, adolescent, and frankly I don’t miss it and I do not want to go back and relive those days.

I don’t have to go to school or to work. I receive an allowance Uncle Sam and Big Brother Gov. Holcomb. I have my own pad and it is paid for. Curfew; what is that?

I don’t have to go anywhere on Friday night and on the weekend if I don’t want to and I don’t have to justify, explain or rationalize to others if I don’t want to. I’ll probably be in Reclinerville. What part of “I am not going” do you not understand?

I don’t live for the approval of others my age. Most of them never think about me any way. I don’t have to have the latest and greatest clothing styles and shopping at Wally World, GoodWill and yard sales is acceptable. I don’t have to find a date to go to the prom or the next dance. In truth I don’t dance, don’t ask me. I do sometimes on the way to Ft. Necessity.

I don’t have to take P.E. next year. I do not require the approval of all of the cool kids. I don’t worry about the test in History on Friday. Semester exams. What is that? Finals are coming up too rapidly though. Homework. Are you kidding me? Zits be gone. I go to bed and get up whenever I want to.

I can go anywhere without asking permission. Well, sometimes I ask BW. I don’t have to worry if a girl likes me. I don’t have to get a date for Saturday night. I do date BW on occasion. I am not totally stupid.

I don’t envy cheerleaders. They are vestiges of the past when males performed and females cheered. I don’t have to worry about being picked last for the team. I’d rather watch anyway.

My hormones have stabilized. I’m not sure I even have any. Social media means almost nothing to me. Social Media is not an intravenous drip bottle attached to my brain that if disconnected my life would end. I can live for more than five minutes without consulting with social media.

The gray matter in my brain has finally thickened - matured. Some even call me thick headed. I have almost no peer pressure. A majority of the people born the year I was have their mail forwarded to Kingdom Come.

I have a driver’s license and my own car and I can afford gas. I have an I.D. that gets me health coverage at a reasonable cost and good rates at the drug store. The people I hang around with don’t worry about getting pregnant. Some of them have even forgotten how that works. I don’t have acne but I have had shingles and I don’t mean the ones on the roof of the house.

I am glad I am not a teenager today. I wouldn’t mind being closer to it than I am, however.

[Larry Vandeventer. Go to my two websites – Larryvandeventer.com and wjrambler1956.com – and purchase my books. I grew up North of Calvertville and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State. Contact me at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.]