Perks of being in ministry and public education

I often hear the benefits from the company that many people receive upon retirement and sometimes I am envious. One person gleefully chirped, “I get to keep my full health insurance at no cost to me.” Another person quipped, “I have free dental and vision insurance for the rest of my life.” Yet another jibed, “I can go in and use any and all equipment and technology any time I want to as long as I do not interfere with production.” “I can still travel with the company employees to vacation spots at half the expense of non-employees,” bantered another. “My company gave me a password and I can park beside the building any time and use the Wi-Fi,” countered another. Another person remarked, “My life insurance policy is still in effect at no cost to me until I need it.” “I can buy anything my company makes at cost,” quipped another.

I began in full-time ministry when I mustered out of the Navy and then made the transition to public education from whence I retired. Those two organizations are well known for generosity concerning benefits, pay and retirement. It is truly amazing how generous they are.

I often had to listen, while still working and even after retirement, to those who worked for companies who paid for all of their relocation expenses even paying for a hotel or apartment rental until the move was complete. Ruefully I often think about all the many moves I had to make searching for the elusive dream or just to survive, all at my expense.

However, since my retirement, I have been enjoying many benefits maintained by my former employers. Here is an example. I was bragging to a friend, “I can go to any restaurant in the metro area and use all of the pink sweeteners I want and they are free and besides that I can get free refills on my tea and soft drinks in most places. Free!” Audley said, “You doofus, anyone can do that. They are free to everyone.” “Oh.”

Periodically I receive invitations from local clothing stores inviting me to go to their store and buy clothing at greatly decreased prices. Some even say buy one at regular price and the second one is free or 50% off the listed price. Wow! That is a great perk. I was bragging about that to Audley and he smirked and said, “What kind of cabbage patch do you live in? That is called a sale and the only requirement to get it is to be breathing and able to walk into the store. What a snerd!” Now that hurt.

When others retire they receive plaques with names on it and other mementos of career, rocking chairs, trips, retirement plans. A friend of mine had a tugboat named after him. He worked for a company that shipped via the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers from Pittsburgh to Cairo, to St. Louis and New Orleans. I also got pictures of many other lovely graffiti citing my IQ and appearance. I received a toilet door from the boy’s bathroom with my name on it with references to my ancestry and sexual preferences. And I thought I had been very discrete about those things. Evidently not. (TIC)

[Larry Vandeventer. Go to my two websites – Larryvandeventer.com andwjrambler1956.com – and purchase my books. I grew up North of Calvertville and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State. Contact me atGoosecrick@aol.com or 812-557-3342]