Body parts we don’t need

An article in the national news revealed the body parts we still have but don’t need anymore. As I drive down the road into yesterday toward the town of reminisce I explore my data bank about the appendix. It seems as if every other person had his/her appendix removed and most of them also had their tonsils and adenoids removed. I just don’t hear of that anymore. Is it not happening or I am just not aware.

Our tailbone – coccyx – is irrelevant as are the extrinsic ear muscles that allow us to wiggle and turn our ears. Wisdom teeth are not needed and that is why so many have been extracted. Goosebumps and the ability to make hair stand up are not necessary. Toenails have become obsolete along with pinky toes. Sinuses serve no purpose and mail nipples also join that list.

I have some other parts we don’t need. How about two faces? Too many have them and use them improperly. Abraham Lincoln was accused of being two-faced. His rather humorous response was, “If I truly have two faces do you think I would still use this one?”

A rather large group of people have a bone of contention within them. They argue and contest about everything. They seem to think they are the only ones who know everything and they are disgusting to those of us who do.

It is funny but some people say, “I am all ears.” Really. Have some of them surgically removed; you will look better.

I have also known many people who describe themselves as having a bundle of nerves. I have never fully understood that concept but many people have them and they have a negative effect on their well-being. Get rid of them.

This next questionable body part is the tongue in cheek. I am not sure it should be removed if it is used effectively. Most of the time it is so I say leave it along.

All of us have suffered at some time with the aggravating problem called butterfingers and I don’t mean the candy bar. When a person has butter on his fingers it is difficult to hold anything without dropping it. Many good things have been ruined by butterfingers so I say remove them.

A most humorous condition that I have heard of all my life is when a person says I am or he is all thumbs. Visualize that; all thumbs. Take away all of them but two.

I have three knees: a right knee, a left knee and (careful now) a bad knee. My left knee does not want to cooperate sometimes. It is the same age as the right one and the right one does not hurt at all.

Some people complain about having a sweet tooth. That is one problem I don’t have. Now the truth, I have 32 sweet teeth. I am going to ask Dr. Todd our son-in-law to remove some of them. My waist measurement could decrease.

I also have a “ten head” as opposed to a “forehead.” Get it? I don’t have much hair on my head. I have hair all over my body that I don’t need or want.

[Larry Vandeventer. Go to my two websites – Larryvandeventer.com and wjrambler1956.com – and purchase my books. I grew up North of Calvertville and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State. Contact me at Goosecrick@aol.com or 812-557-3342]