Our oldest daughter is a “Baby Boomer,” coming in on the tail end of that demographic.
Since I last wrote my column I have celebrated or observed another birthday. The earth has orbited the sun one more time and that makes me one year older. It has always puzzled me that we congratulate each other on our birthdays and we had nothing to do with it. Two people made that decision many years ago. Truth be told I am the youngest in my family. Our parents looked at the other two and said, “We can do better than that,” and they did - me.
I am so old that:
• I can pinch an inch on my forehead.
• My motto is don’t let old age get you down because it is too hard to get back up.
• There are more names crossed out in my address book than active ones.
• I agree with Bob Hope who said, “I am so old they canceled my blood type.”
• My investment broker told me to buy a certain stock because it would double in value in ten years. I told him. “I don’t even buy green bananas.”
• I no longer have a forehead I have a “tenhead.”
• I graduated from school and attained four degrees before the Internet, Google and Wikipedia.
• I realized recently that the volume knob also turns to the left.
• Old age is good for me. The more birthdays I have the longer I live.
• I have traveled many roads and some of them were not paved.
• I get the same dizzy feeling that others get by drinking bourbon just by standing up fast.
• I can still get penny candy but it now costs $2.00.
• I remember when all soda machines only had glass bottles.
• There was always a newsreel before the movie.
• I was there when the hula hoop was invented.
• Rock and Roll was born and died in my life time.
• We had a wringer washing machine and a solar powered dryer – clothes line
• I have stopped searching for the meaning of life and focus now on finding my car keys, the remote and my cell phone.
• I have so many wattles on my neck it makes me nervous to leave the house in November.
• The years have flown by but when I look in the mirror I see that many of them did not go by; they stopped on my face.
• I attended a graveside service recently. The funeral director asked my age and when I told him he said, “Seems rather senseless to go back home doesn’t it.”
• When I was born George Washington was just graduating from high school; Pfizer was still making Preparation B; The Statue of Liberty was a young girl and Rip Van Winkle was still napping.
It is official. I have joined the ranks of Geezers. I am a “Baby Gloomer.”
[Larry Vandeventer. Go to my two websites – Larryvandeventer.com and wjrambler1956.com – and purchase my books. I grew up North of Calvertville and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State. Contact me at Goosecrick@aol.com or 812-796-0784]