Holidays and the in-laws

Now that Christmas is drawing near, eventually the time will come when the in-laws come for a visit. I have a few suggestions on how to make the visit memorable. It might make a difference if they return next year.

Think of the decorations. When decorating your house, think more, more and more. A house can never be over-decorated. Decorations should dominate the field of vision at all times. Explain to them how you have been so busy decorating and celebrating for Christmas.

Give each child at least a dozen cookies a day. Snickerdoodles, chocolate chip cookies, it doesn’t matter which kind, as long as they are sugar-coated. The most the child should have in one day is 27.

Purchase magazines that have headlines about divorce. Perhaps go to the library and take out a book on open marriage. Leave it on the coffee table.

Constantly tell your in-laws how you had to buy everything that the children wanted for Christmas. Who is to say it was not healthy to satisfy all their desires? Tell them how your husband told you about all those gifts he wanted so badly but never received. Those disappointments haunt him to this day.

Purchase gifts that send them a message. Buy them a piece of luggage and give them a book on travel. Enclose more than one brochure about taking a cruise for the holidays.

Bring out all the Halloween treats that were never eaten and brag about the good sales on candy you found.

Lose all self-control in your eating habits. Don’t worry about gaining weight. You can always lose any pounds in January. Every time your mother-in-law asks if she can help in the kitchen, be munching on food. It is a good idea to lick any spoon, cough and put it right back in the bowl.

Switch the local radio station to an all-jazz station or try to find a rap station. Pretend to understand the lyrics, snap your fingers or tap your foot.

Try to telephone as many other family members or friends as you can. So what if your in-laws are in the other room? “Hello, Aunt Betty in Georgia, my husband said your pot roast was the best he ever ate. Can I have that recipe?”

Set the goal of creating that perfect Christmas for the in-laws. No expectations can be too high for the holiday season. In fact, next year might be more perfect than this year. They might actually take that cruise.

Nancee Harrison is a past columnist for the Greene County Daily World. Visit www.blondeladywithdarkroots.com or email her at blondeladywithdarkroots@gmail.com.