Do it for me, wouldja?

I, like many others, suffer from my own impulsivity when it comes to purchases. I also love dogs and follow a fair few shelters. The only, and I mean the only things stopping me from driving to one and finding a fur baby to love and to keep me company are money and that I know I can’t have pets where I live.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t look. One shelter in Evansville I follow posted a frosty-faced boxer mix named (wait for it) Jalapeño Popper. Seiously. Jalapeño Popper. Sounds like a spicy, spunky gal if I ever saw one.

I know, I know, the names are gimmicks from the shelters to get the animals noticed and adopted. But sometimes, they’re just too good.

A search I did on Petfinder solely for this column came up with the following names of dogs available around the state: White Claw, Sir Oscar, Igneous, Quacks, Aunt B, Creek, Whopper, Tonka, Sir Floofington, Beatrice Jones, Charcuterie, Myrcella, Jean Valjean, Corn, Fiddle, Dexter McPherson, Phlannel, Key Lime Pie and last but certainly not least, Alaskan Bull Worm.

Mind you, these are names I thought were out of the ordinary for a pet and brought a smile to my face, if not a full on laugh out loud moment.

Imagine standing in the yard at night in your PJs trying to get your four-legged fur child inside and having your neighbors hear “Get a move on, White Claw!”. “Hurry it up, Corn.” “Do your business, Myrcella!” “For the love of all that is holy, just go potty, Aunt B! I’m freezing here!”

Yeah, that last one won’t raise any questions. Not to mention I know someone who goes by Aunt B, so that makes this even more amusing.

Or perhaps imagine the conversations at work. “What are your plans for this weekend” “Oh, me and Key Lime Pie are gonna go to the park.” “Igneous really needs to go to the groomers. His nails are out of control!” “Alaskan Bull Worm and I are going to sit on the couch and binge-watch ‘Chopped’. Maybe order some takeout.”

Come on, you can’t deny that some of those names are so far out of left field that they at least made you look twice. I sure did. Kudos to the shelters and rescues who work to get these animals into loving homes.

It only gets better when you give a pet a human name, too. You can use them for excuses to get out of stuff. “Sorry, Jeff and I have plans.” “Margot and I went for a walk and sat in the park for a bit.” “I can’t make it to your party, I have to take Brenda to her appointment.”

I guess what I’m trying to say here is A.) non-traditional pet names are effective and funny as heck and you absolutely cannot convince me otherwise. B.) If you’re even remotely considering adopting a pet and are financially able to do so, do it. Do it for me, who can’t yet but you best bet will someday. Do it for them, so they have a home and aren’t stuck in a shelter. Just do it.