When you open a closet, you see many items, such as fancy heels and men’s buttoned-up shirts. That is nothing compared to what is in my closet. Each shelf is made of light and darkness. One shelf has a music therapy shelf. It has many pieces of music that have helped me cope, from ‘Jailhouse Rock’ by Elvis Presley to ‘Legacy’ by Eminem.
In the closet, there are so many bins of comments that have haunted me that I still have night terrors from them. However, I’ve learned it is time to stop caring and to throw the comments in the garbage. You must accept yourself and your hobbies, no matter what they are, from the most practical to the most unusual. In my closet, you are accepted no matter if you are straight or even have purple skin. You are welcomed with open arms in my closet. It may seem trashy because of the pain, but my pain has created the most amazing picture that I’ve ever seen. Each time I say or do something wrong, I want to destroy my closet, but every time, I continue to and will rebuild my closet. The power that I’ve built has been turned into a portrait of my ashes. When I go, it is so hard to leave because I can’t. It’s like I am clutching the palace of destiny. There are no Band-Aids to replace the overturned garbage with many holes burned in the cans. I knew that autism came with authority and resentment, but I never expected the roller coaster in the closet to keep making loops and tunnels. With my podcast, ‘Autism Rocks And Rolls’, I have created an army. Although the army has a commander, Sam, the episodes are all about the soldiers. One of their responsibilities is to guard the closet so it does not deconstruct itself. If the closet goes down, then I am going with it, regardless of how it goes down. The right woman has not entered my little imaginary home, but the time will come for everyone, no matter where you are from. I’ve never liked time, but I have to hope time will fly to the right woman as she clicks with me. I’ve spent my entire life running, but I can’t do it any longer. The times I’ve run still haunt me. I have night terrors that are just unexplainable. I am fortunate to have a history in my closet, but it is never a history-making moment with that one person that I will share with you for the rest of my life. While I am doing my best to make peace, I wonder why. When I go to my den, I reflect on the reason because I’ve been fine academically, personally and family-wise but mentally and socially, I will be honest, I don’t feel too good. I’ve made and see my light that no one else sees, for good reasons, that are personal to me. I am a man in the world, but I am also a desperate person that I’ve become in the past. Now I have made numerous attempts to lock the frightened man behind the smile, but he keeps coming back. So I solved the conflict by stopping the fight and listening to him and seeing what I could still take from him. I still have my reservations about him, as I am more of a thinker and still keep to myself sometimes for specific reasons. So go ahead and throw me into the world. I have too many wounds to care about. The best part about it is that I am still afraid of leaving my closet, but I do not care if it goes south. I live life with many regrets, but no fear. That is a lifestyle that I encourage for everybody, because while life might become hard, at the end of the day you can be proud that you took trophies you can have in your closet. While I tend to hide in my closet, I know there is conflict in the world and it is just sadly inevitable, but because I have no more fear in my life, I am ready for it. I’m going to take a stand in a conflict. I am not scared. I dare you, but if you choose to, you will be annihilated. Each person is trying to conquer the demons that I see, but if you come to my closet, you will be cured, as I will make sure that society will know your name. I do have many jitterbugs that kill and resurrect my self-esteem, but I never back down and take the good jitterbugs for granted, because not everyone gets to that mental place. My call came in over the radio, where everyone could hear my monotone voice. There has never been a place in my life that I have thought that I could act like myself, but when I am alone and in my closet, with rock and metal playing, it is relaxing because of some anger I still have in me. I get to watch it all come out. To summarize, no matter how hard I work, I will fall from time to time, but you know what I prefer? It is more challenging, and I enjoy a mental battle in which I stamp my flag on the ground.