Patti, I’m freaking freezing in here

Myself (left) and Patti (right).

This column is in response to Patti Danner's column, "Kristen, it’s hotter than Hades in here!"

Here I am typing this column, wrapped in a fleece blanket at my desk and drinking hot beverages. The office central cooling is set at a meager 73 degrees. The average human temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, so my body is struggling to generate that extra 25 degrees. My organs are shutting down from the severe cold.

And still, Patti comes in everyday and turns on her fan. Our desks face each other, so the cool air from her fan floats down under my desk and embraces my ankles with icy death. I keep a pair of emergency knockoff Uggs under my desk for when the cold becomes too unbearable. For the direst of conditions, I keep a heated blanket in my desk drawer to ensure survival until I clock out.

Sometimes, the cold makes me tired--but I have to remind myself to stay awake because falling asleep can be dangerous.

I understand that one day, I will go through “the change”--but I feel like that is only part of her problem. She also has a volcano for a heart and is part-werewolf (don’t tell her I told you).

Who would have that in my 24 long years of being victimized by men who had control of the thermostat, that my greatest temperature-foe would be another woman?

I could easily move to another desk, but then I wouldn’t be able to sit across from Patti and that would make me sad. So, I’ll just keep layering on the blankets and take one for the team.

Kristen Inman is a cold-natured staff writer at the Greene County Daily World. She can be reached at kristengcdw@gmail.com. Bring blankets.