For some reason, I’ve been dreading this day for a while now. Today, I turn 30 years old.
As I prepare to celebrate my birthday by spending the weekend with my family, I cannot even begin to fathom why I’ve spent the entire last year apprehensive of this day.
There’s something idyllic about the idea of being in your 20s. It’s supposed to be a time to find yourself, have fun and be who you truly are. It’s supposed to be a time to travel and find your place in the world.
But, most of my 20s weren’t that way for me. I spent many weeks working two and three jobs at a time, immersing myself in work so I didn’t have to find out who I was. In all honesty, for the longest time, I didn’t like who I was so why would I spend time with myself?
It sounds tragic and dramatic, but that is just how I saw myself.
It wasn’t until the last few years, leading up to my 30th birthday, that I’ve felt like I’ve actually found myself. In fact, with my 30th birthday approaching, I’ve never felt more like me.
I was riding in the car with my husband the other day, with our eight-month-old daughter in the back seat. A song came on the radio that I love, so I was singing and dancing and acting like an all-around goofball while Logan looked at me with this mixture of amusement and pure love.
Five years ago, I never would have been caught dead acting like that in front of anyone other than my sister -- who shares my goofy traits. I was too afraid of people taking too long to look at me and judge me. I lived in fear of drawing attention to myself. I wanted to be hidden in the background.
But, now I don’t care to stand out in the crowd a little. I don’t care if people like my chubby face or my gigantic feet or my tall stature.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have some major insecurities, but they just don’t rule my life anymore. Because my people love me for all of those things and more.
So, here I am writing this column as I roll into another decade of life, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m more secure than I ever thought possible. And I’m loved more than ever before.
So, here’s to hoping the next 30 years are as incredible as I feel right now.
Sabrina is the editor of the Greene County Daily World. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.